Okay, the song hit me hard. It wiped me out. I had just read another sitch that was so similar to where I was a year ago, then the song, & whammo. I just checked out (dissociate) & couldn't think straight.
So you realize W is in a lot of pain. If her "stuff" is surfacing, she may go back to her old coping techniques. Mine were drinking, sexual attention, & dissociating from current emotional pain.
When she does that, tell yourself, she's not trying to hurt you. She's trying to numb her emotional pain. When the pain gets bad enough, she'll get help. She won't go to C yet, because of the shame & guilt of talking about it. You just keep telling her she did nothing wrong, & it wasn't her fault. Think of her like a child. At times, she will be. Her mind is going through a huge tornado of emotions & it's a journey I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. But....the view from where I'm standing today is beautiful.
her anger...it's from feeling trapped, helpless, & confused about what to do. She's really not mad at you. She'll take it out on you, because that keeps her distant & safe. Did I tell you about the book "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me" ?? Right now she's torn, hurting, confused. Just be the rock. You're doing awesome. Your compassion & empathy is impressive, & you should be proud of yourself.
Take care, & know I'd never forget you. Hugs.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
