When I got out of training the other day I had a text from W asking if I wanted anything from a BBQ place. She also left a voicemail since she had her hair done early to pick up D11 at the restaurant.
I got to the restaurant and my W said that she had already ordered me lunch. Had small talk for awhile. I threw her off when I told her about the poison ivy, she said I need to go to the doctors office. I told her I had an appointment later. She said to get a shot to clear it up and I told her that was what I was going to do. Total 180 since I hardly ever go to the doctor.
IC went pretty good. Counselor is a great lady and is for trying everything to save a marriage. Helps we both go there.
Took D11 for the night and took her fishing sat. morning with my dad. First time she went fishing from a boat and had a good time.
I then took her back to our house. My W was going to take her and D16 to get a gift for our niece (2yo). W had just get back from IC and brought me some tea. Just one of those things.
The b-day party went pretty good. It seemed a bit awkward since it was all her family, but not bad. My SIL got a pic of me holding a baby and smiling. Both not norm for me. Afterwards helped W put together one of the gifts and called it a night.
W called a little bit ago about trading vehicles for the week while she is gone. Hers gets better mileage then my truck. Said it was late and had to take neice and nephew home and finish packing for the trip and would trade vehicles tomorrow morning. She said that D11 is having sep anxiety with us being apart. W said that she would call me in the morning before she left.
A warrior does not give up on what he loves, he finds the love in what he does
When W called yesterday morning she said she was just pulling up to my place. We chatted a bit about different things. She then said that she was very thankful for all the things I have done. Not so much the words, but the tone that struck me.
I did talk to her a little bit tonight about D11 and some change of plans this week, how her job was going ect. No different tone, just polite small talk.
Guess that is why I have to keep myself grounded. Hopefully, one way or the other this will get resolved. Either way I will be fine in the end. Rough path to go down though.
Yes, life does go on. Looking forward to whatever the future brings. No matter what I will not ever be the person I was and will not wither away and die. Just pick myself up and move on with our without my W.
Last edited by yenko69; 07/30/0802:39 AM.
A warrior does not give up on what he loves, he finds the love in what he does
When I was were you are, I called my uncle who had lost my aunt about 6 months earlier. He told me that both my ex and me would be better people in 5 years. While it seemed so far off, it was a very soothing thing to hear him say. Even though you are on this rough path, some day it will become clear why you had to walk it. Life is a great gift. It took the most painful experience in my life to find this out.
I have read your posting on here and some of the other posts you have made. It is kinda of different to find a "kindred" spirit.
I also believe that in time this path will show why I had to walk it. Yes, life is a great gift and should be enjoyed. Some how I have been unable to truly enjoy the life I was given. Fear emotional detachment whatever label you want to put on it. Does not really matter, a new life is beginning.
My IC gave me some of the same thoughts as your uncle. She said that you may slip back some, but would move forward. Also said W would probably come back someday, but it will be to late. That I hope never happens.
Somehow I think if I told you all my history on this that you would have been in the same emotional states. I can see why the most painful exp was what it took to find out the lessons that you have learned.
Take care of yourself.
Last edited by yenko69; 07/30/0803:25 AM.
A warrior does not give up on what he loves, he finds the love in what he does
Yenko, sometimes when things look like they are crazy, remember that the best thing to do is to appear to be 'harmless'. As the Madagascar Penguins do in this video clip....
And if you end up in the 'freezer', well, it sucks.
Been a pretty busy week. Work, National Guard and the county fair this week. W out of town so taking D11 all over the place. Took to the parade wed and to the carnival last night.
The fair was a little depressing. Seeing all the couples kind of brought me down a bit. This level of detachment also is a downer, but I guess I need to get out more. Softball season is starting soon, so that is something to do.
My W has called me all week except for one day. She started sending me text jokes that people send her. I suppose that could be a baby step since she has never done it before.
I thanked her the other night for letting me use her car this week. She replied that it was not just her car and it would save us money vs me driving the truck. That we had so much stuff together ect.
She called about getting her check and I asked her how her week went. Just some small talk. She called about an hour later telling me thanks for cleaning out her car ect.
Some days I wish she would not just leave me alone. Is it possible to detach to far and look at the future as more positive without her. Or maybe I am just tired and burnt out from the week.
A warrior does not give up on what he loves, he finds the love in what he does
Y we cycle too sometimes we so want the reconciliation and other times we feel done its part of the process keep pma and gal these tools will take you far so whatever happens,you will be ok now is the time to work at showing your W your changes while you practice it is tiring but as we go theu this, i believe we heal we let ourselves grieve and we are then ready for that next step be it reconciation or D peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Thanks for the post Peace. I do cycle back and forth and it is hard to control. No matter what, I have learned a lot and look forward to whatever the future may bring.
I accept the pain and hurt for the growth inside myself. No matter what, I am a better person.
A warrior does not give up on what he loves, he finds the love in what he does
