Some of you will remember me, others have never read my posts.
I am here to tell you that this stuff (along with other related stuff) WORKS. I don't mean that to say you can "manipulate" your sitch to "trick" your spouse into coming back...what I mean is, you can change your behaviours, be consistent, and rediscover/improve yourself to the point where your partner may decide to give it another try.
Today is a reflective day for me.
Yes, it is exactly 3 months ago that my wife asked if she could come home. But it is also exactly one year ago that she cried for help in our marriage and I chose not to listen. That was the first domino in the whole series of events that transpired after July 26-2007, which culminated in the two of us separating after being together for thirty years.
But today...well, we are not perfect, but we are gradually renewing our marriage. We are taking each of those dominoes that fell, and standing them back up, one by one. We have 'some' great times, a 'ton' of good times, and 'very few' bad times.
I am very aware of my old behaviours, and I do actually have to consciously stop myself from falling back into them. Things like plopping my arse onto the couch and watching TV every day. Things like wasting a weekend doing nothing, instead of suggesting we go out and do something interesting (I've always been the 'planner').
But - so far, so good. I am so very happy we are back together, and she is too.
Keep trying, and when you screw up, start all over again. Don't give up. If your spouse has even a tiny flicker of love left, it can be nurtured back into a flame.
Me: 54 Her: 50 and sexy as hell M: 32yrs T: 34yrs Bomb: Sept 26-07 "lost our emotional connection" Bomb 2: Dec 25-07 she's "not feeling desire" She asked if she could come home Apr 26-08! Everything's GREAT!
I don't know what the heck is happening, but last night was better than awesome.
She was all chatty on the drive home, and as we cooked dinner together she kept touching me as we talked.
We watched the season-ender from the TV series "Lost" (2 hours) then ended up in bed where we ML. As we fell asleep, she looked me in the eye and said "I love you... I really love you". Wow! So of course I said it back to her, and we fell asleep with her head on my shoulder and my arm around her.
This morning...same thing, really affectionate.
I'll just enjoy it, act exactly the same, and try to figure out what (if anything) I did "right" to bring this on. Or maybe this is just part of the path she's travelling.
Anyway...just journaling.
Me: 54 Her: 50 and sexy as hell M: 32yrs T: 34yrs Bomb: Sept 26-07 "lost our emotional connection" Bomb 2: Dec 25-07 she's "not feeling desire" She asked if she could come home Apr 26-08! Everything's GREAT!
Mink, I smile when I think of you and your wife. I'm very happy for you.
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
This is more great news, and it seems to have a solid feel behind it. You've come a long way, so has your W., so has your M. I feel sad that my sitch has not gone this way, but I am very happy that yours is working out very well. You've put a lot of effort and love into taking stock of yourself and making important changes.
You're on a great track, take care and keep posting updates!
MM, I haven't posted to you before but I've been following your thread since your W returned home. It's great to hear that things are going so well for you. Congratulations and please keep posting your successes.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
Wow... being a couple again, finding one another. I remember following your thread as things went up and down, around and almost good bye-bye. And then she wanted to come home.
What magic, how your hard work paid off. Are you still in the band? Keeping your GAL going?
Congratulations on such a wonderful anniversary.. and to many many healthy more!
*hugs*
Have you met gForce? He's just come to piecing. I suggested he look you up.
I looked at a bunch of gForce's posts. Good reading!
Small update:
Things just continue to get better for Minkerman and the missus.
It's the really small things that I notice the most. Like, we went for a walk along the river after dinner. She grabbed my hand, and we held hands for the entire walk. She gives me really nice touches when we're cooking dinner. She kisses me 'good morning'.
There's also a bigger thing she's doing now. Spontaneously telling me she loves me, and she says it with such feeling. It is awesome!
I can't believe we almost went our separate ways. I DB'd my arse off and started acting like a decisive, confident man with his own life, instead of an approval-seeking wuss.
Whatever we did, it seemed to work, and we are back in the saddle and better than ever.
