Well Son just got home...it's back to reality....D16 is with D21 now...
I have a question....Doesn't it seem that if they aren't contacting you or showing any signs of even wanting to see you that we're risking losing them for good...I mean when do you start to say something...or do you continue to not say anything...I want so much to tell him I miss him...to tell him I love him....
He is going out of town on Friday with his buddy's and I always tell him to be careful and that I love him....it will seem so weird not to tell him anything...and his birthday is coming up....do I get him a card or anything? I'm not trying to be difficult and SF I hear everything you're saying...I understand really....it's just hard....I seem to do good for a while then bam I right back here again....I could cry at the drop of a pin today....
What do I do from here? Just continue to ignore him and not call him?
This is so damn difficult.....
YR.....where are you????
Last edited by Treese; 07/29/0808:24 PM.
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Treese, I'm glad to see that your son is back home safe and sound.
So, he's going out of town. Don't contact him, let him go. Pretend he's on a trip abroad and his cell phone isn't working. If he calls you, wish him a pleasant trip, otherwise, stay quiet and still.
About the birthday, purchase something for the children to give him. If you really need to purchase something for him, something maybe like a gadget or something impersonal for now. No gushy type cards, very few ILU's. The ILU's, phone calls, etc. are pressure points w/him. Give him a wide berth and just leave him alone.
You are starting to sound anxious again. We all go through this and btw, what you are experiencing are really withdrawal pangs from the "fix" that you get from your h. I know that sounds crazy, but we all go through it and once the addiction is under control, we detach even further and do not react quite so much to what they say and do. Find things to keep your focus elsewhere. Have you look at your tattoo today?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
(((((Treese))))) Snodderly is right! This is a perfect time to NOT contact him! You have gotten yourself into a better place, consolidate that position. This is going to sound weird, but I think that if he is going to come back it will be when he realizes that you DON'T need him. He's going to be reattracted by your strength.
Treese - I'm glad you started a new thread. I wish I could be helpful, but as you know I'm behind you in all of this.
I met with my C today. I talked to her about confirming the existence of OW. She encouraged me to tell him that I know. I told her that I planned to. I let her read the letter that I've been working on---which is now only 3 paragraphs long. I need to give it to him this week. I can't wait any longer. I just have to find the right time. My C thinks I should be present when he reads the letter, and I think she's right. If I'm not there he can avoid, and he's avoided for two long now. I'm hoping to give it to him before the weekend. It's "mine" with the kids, so he'll have time to adjust to the fact that I know.........
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
Snodderly....you hit the nail on the head....I am anxious after I talk to him...and it is the "fix"....that's perfect...after I was on the phone with him and then got my cry out I felt better...
I was so angry with him after he talked to son..I was telling him the days I needed to go out of town with my mom for 3 days and it changed to the first part of a week instead of the last part and his response was...."it changed again....what if I want to do something"...geez....he's going out of town this weekend..and I am going out of town on his "love child's" birthday...I just can't be here when it happens...seeing how it is the day before mine....it hurts...anyway..I was angry with him because he still controls my emotions....I'm trying but somehow he controls them..I was in such a good place last week....I need to get back there...
Dry....I understand totally what you are saying and I agree...he will need to see I've moved on without him.....
Di....I thought about you today and I wanted to text you but I didn't know what time your appt. was....I think you need to tell him also that you know....just so he knows you know....everyone was giving you great advice....I wrote my H a letter in the very beginning and then tore it up...it was 6 pages long but I felt better after writing it...my H would have just thrown it away without reading it....Good Luck...i will be praying for you...
Oh....guess what Snodderly....I added to my tattoo...it now has 3 leaves with the names of my children in them...it's beautiful...
Last edited by Treese; 07/30/0801:47 AM.
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
It's not called ignoring. You answer your phone if you want to. Don't call him unless you absolutely need to regarding the kids.
If you can e-mail even better. He really does need the space to clear his head. If you are always knocking how can he clear his head.
The alone time is when he will do his best thinking. If you want to get a card and gift from the kids go ahead otherwise happy b-day e-card is what I have done in the past.
How is the anger helping your sitch?
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Glam....the anger does make it worse....I'm working on that...I need to keep the PMA going....
And I've decided to let my son get him something for his birthday and I will just get him a generic card....
And I sure hope he is doing a lot of thinking but right now I know he's working alot....I'm getting better I can tell.....
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
My bomb was over 8 years ago and I have been divorced for over 7 years. There are still times when memories sneak in and I still feel a little tug at the old heart. It's normal.
Let him be. You carry on with the things that need your immediate attention and keep busy with that. Maybe even do something fun before the kids go back to school. You will be okay.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
