H deep in A & MLC, need support 4 roller coaster!

[Dawn of Hope]

Hi, PH,
Thanks for stopping by! It's good to hear from you!

Yes, I agree with everything you mentioned. It's interesting that you said "maybe to confirm that you are actually going to them"--I have been known to write appointments/events on the calendar and then change them later, or not go at all (the latter often because I only put it on the calendar so that I could would know when the event was IF I decided to go to it) and he has on occasion criticized me for that.

Anyway, it's like he's actually starting to be interested in at least the basics of my life again, after completely avoiding me except for the barest pretense at courtesy for months. He did say something a month or two ago about how "You apparently will talk to anyone but me." And then quoted some things I had told his sister, who had promised not to reveal them to him. It's a good thing she just moved halfway across the country, because I'm not pleased with her at the moment. I thought she would be more sympathetic, because her first H cheated on her for most of the 18 years they were married, and she finally gave up and divorced him, at which point he wanted to work things out, but she was done with him by then, and despite how I feel about divorce, based on what I know about her X, I can't blame her. She's now remarried to a guy who seems to treat her a lot better than her first H did, although maybe it's because her current H got burned too--my H's sister is his 3rd wife, and I don't know what happened to his W#1, but I believe his second M ended when he caught W#2 in bed with OM. Well, I digress, but you can see why I thought H's sister would be good to talk to. I still like her okay, but I no longer trust her, so I definitely won't be talking to her in confidence again.

I've been waiting for what seems like forever for any sign of hope whatsoever. I hope this is actually a trend and things keep improving, but I'm definitely not going to hold my breath. One discouraging thing about this BB is the number of people who have been standing for literally *years* with few signs of improvement in their sitches. I feel like this has gone on half my life by now, but at only 1 year/9 months (depending on what you count as the starting point; by some measures it would be more like 7-8 *years*!) I feel like my sitch is still in its infancy compared to many on this board. I do have endurance to go the distance, but I'm not looking forward to it.

H is still living at home, no legal moves of any sort as far as I know, still sitting FIRMLY on the fence, so I suppose I should count my blessings, as so many here are getting such nastiness from their S's. I am detaching, detaching, detaching--this little shift of the last few days is not changing that. H went to see OW weekend before last, rolling in at 3:45 a.m. Monday morning, about 3 hours before he needed to get up for work. I just let it go. Nothing new there. I do wonder how long this will go on, and whether it will ever improve. I am having a hard time seeing myself ever forgiving and getting past what he has done, even though I believe it is the right thing to do, and knowing that I may not get the opportunity to have any sort of continuing R anyway, so whatever I do will strictly be for me, not for the R or M.

I am actually doing pretty well emotionally, despite how I may sound in my posts today. I am discouraged about H and his alien-ness, but I feel much stronger and --I wouldn't say happy, but--at least more accepting of both the good and the bad in my life. I have done so much work on myself to get to this point, I'm not going to waste it.

Thank you for your input; I really appreciate it! It's so good to actually hear the take on my sitch from people who actually understand and appreciate what I am trying to do in my M, unlike many in RL! I'd love to hear from some of the other long-term residents of the board, too. Jack Three Beans, Bworl, sg, Amy C? Others? Any of you have any wisdom to impart to me? I welcome your advice and comments.

Peace,
Dawn