trying to keep this a "Happy" thread please

[ANewMe]

I was improving myself when this all began. At 43 years old, I finally was able to go to college and get a degree in Special Ed. I now have a job where I feel as if I make a difference. I have raised my sons and the two younger ones are in college. I have to keep taking classes in order to keep my teaching degree current.

What I have learned from this is that a marriage cannot survive without honest communication and when people let resentment build their interactions become dishonest and unhealthy. I have realized that despite many years of therapy, I was still carrying more baggage from the abuse I suffered at the hands of my father and my first husband. I know that the resentment I felt toward my mother for not protecting me from my father affect ALL my relationships.

I have, also, learned that what I have been missing in my life all these years had nothing to do with my marriage, my job, or my husband. It was the spiritual part of me that was missing. Since my H has left, I have made peace with my past. I have learned to accept the fact that my parents are not going to change and despite the dysfunction in our family there was some love there. I do love my parents and that is alright. I have learned to never depend on another person to be a complete person. I have to do that on my own.

I know that when life seems too much that I can pray and give it to God and a solution will present itself. I am content with my life. There are things that need improvement. There are things I like to do that I can't afford right now but it is more important to me to get my son set up in college and there will be time for me later. I just adapt. Instead of spending money to get a pedicure and manicure, I give myself one. My mom gave me a foot spa and I use it to pamper myself. My insurance pays for therapeutic massages so I get them every two weeks or more often when I can. I am putting color on my wall...the colors I choose. I always hated plain white wall but H is afraid of color, so now I am in the process of painting and remodeling. I am buying used furniture that is in good shape to fill in the holes left when H took furniture. I can decorate the way I want to. I have taken great pride in power washing and restaining my deck.

Wow, I didn't mean to go on but I have to say, until I started typing this, I didn't realize how much I have really grown. I still love my husband and I truly believe that God has a plan for us in the future but that is in God's time and until then He wants me to be the best that I can. I am a calmer person and I can defend myself without losing my temper in most cases. The biggest thing I have learned is that I would rather be "righteous" than right. This is a huge change for me. What I mean by that is that I would rather people felt that I am a good person and that I have been fair with them than to be "right" or prove my point. I hope this is what you were asking but if not it sure felt good to put this all out there.

Thanks,