H deep in A & MLC, need support 4 roller coaster!

[Dawn of Hope]

Hi, all,
Thanks for visiting again! I have been working like crazy for the last few weeks, so I haven't been posting much, but I get on the BB and read every day. (I'm a professional calligrapher, and I had 650 wedding invitations to address as of last week, and need to be done with them in a day or so--I still have almost 300 to do. Insane!!)

I have basically been working until I collapse, sleeping a bit (often on the [carpeted] floor of my office, to limit the time I spend asleep), then back to work. It's been a week since I actually had a decent night's sleep--even by my night-owl standards.

Then yesterday I came down with what I think was food poisoning. This is the second time in about two months, and before that I had never had it in my life, to my knowledge. I can't figure it out--I'm not eating anything unusual for me. I feel okay now, but it was kinda ugly for a few hours there. And it put me behind on my work, so now I'm scrambling to get things done.

Anyway...I have a bit of news about my sitch. I talked with my DB coach on Friday, and she said it's time to start opening the door to H a little wider, since lately he has been expressing interest in some R discussion periodically. I have been following her (coach's) direction in avoiding such things and giving him about as much space as possible while living in the same house and sleeping in the same bed (which still seems totally strange to me, but whatever). She thinks that this space has been necessary for the old M to die, but he is now peeking in to see if there is any prospect of a new and improved M. So, as per her instructions from Friday, I began encouraging a bit more conversation, although still in a casual, non-pressuring way. No major shift in my behavior, just a little more openness to talk.

So in the four days since then (following hints of this in the previous week or so), I have noticed a slight but definite improvement in his openness to me as well. He actually volunteered tonight that he had seen his IC today. (Normally, since all this began anyway, when I ask what he experienced that day that was interesting, he says "Nothing," and I don't press the issue.) This mention of the IC is noteworthy because I happen to know that he has seen his IC fairly regularly for about 6 months (although I'm not sure exactly what frequency), and this is the first time he's said a word about it since first telling me that he was starting up with IC again. And tonight after mentioning that, he asked me if I was still seeing my IC, commenting that he hadn't heard anything at all about that from me. My appointments with my IC are on the calendar, but I explained that yes, I see her every two weeks, but I hadn't mentioned it to him because I wasn't sure he was interested.

So this sign (slightly better communication) is so small that I'm not entirely sure it isn't just something random or within normal variations. However, unlike many people here, I have not seen any cycling from my H. He has been pretty consistently chilly to me for months now. No glimpses of the person I married except with other people. So maybe my coach is right and H is actually, finally, in the beginning stages of recognizing just what he's done. I don't know; I just do what I think I need to do.

Okay, the exhaustion from too much work and too little sleep is starting to get to me. I'm falling asleep while typing. I will catch up with you later, after I've gotten a little sleep. I welcome your comments and suggestions.

Peace,
Dawn