That is GOOD actually, that you do know from previous talk, conversation, it was not a taboo subject, etc.
For what it is worth, I do agree with you. What are you supposed to believe? Why would she have lied, if she didn't actually like it back when she said she did? And why would she lie now and say she doesn't like it but she actually did? Either way, she wasn't being fully honest one way or another.
However...there is an answer, and only she knows it. And she may likely not know it consciously.
There are so many factors at play when it comes to human sexuality, desire, etc. Once you become a mommy, you find out things about yourself and your body that you never knew before. And some of us mommy's find out that while we have our babies, the daddy isn't our first priority any longer. And while baby needs mommy for legitimate reasons (life depends upon her), daddy appears to be asking for simple sexual gratification at times when mommy needs time to herself.
Dont get me wrong in any of my posts Lost....I want to be an advocate for FIXING SSM's. Not justifying one side or the other.
But the thing is this: there is always a need to fix BOTH sides, and you have a side to this. I don't know what it is and you likely don't either. But there is some reason why your wife has shut you out and it is NOT because she just hates you and wants to make you suffer.
Thus the importance of realizing she is not doing it on purpose.
Just like a woman cannot truly know what it is like to be a man and feel a rush of testosterone big enough to clobber another full grown man, a man cannot truly know what it is like to become a mommy and how there can GENUINIELY a total loss of sex drive for a time.
As to whehter or not she is re-writing history or whether she really never liked it, how can you find out that answer without moving forward, making the ultimatum, and heading toward counseling together?
But (and this is tongue in cheek) if you would rather just assume she hates you so much she likes to see you suffer, then don't bother with the ultimatum, just leave.
My main point to EVERYONE here is that the need to look within and own all their own side of things before assuming the other person holds all the power in any situation.
I personally felt that I had done everything to try to save my marriage and it was my husband's lack of desire to save our marriage that caused its demise. What a fool I was...please don't be the same fool. It cannot possibly be all your wife's fault. Right?
