Jeff, I think your planning and organizing sounds great!!! I consider myself a newbie organizer, trying to get the house a little organized now that H has moved out (a little easier). If you have any tips for me......
It sounds like you are doing pretty good. Don't worry about me (and prob. everybody else you mentioned). Sometimes I do vent here, but then after that and "chatting" with you guys and getting support, I feel fine, good, happy again. So don't think I'm a sad sad person or something and please don't let it get you down! Karen
Karen, I know most people her are in relatively good moods, except when it comes to WAS. I'm the same way.
Right now I'm calm, but one word out of my W and my temperature rises. She said something the other day and typically said she told me about it already (I would have remembered), when she went into her I told you, you never listen to me spiel, I said, ok, ok I don't want to start a fight with you over something so minor but my blood pressure was going up
This morniong before leaving for work, I told W I thought we wouldn't play softball tonight becasue of the rain, she said good, I have to be at "New Job" to start work - I never even knew she applied for a job - good for her she needs the money but working 2 part-time jobs, in the evening will not leave much time for her to be with the kids when they start school
I received 7 e-mails from the W today, junk emails, jokes, etc I'm apparently on her e-mail distribution list - I think I'm going to ask her not to include me - sending stuff that was forwarded on to her, I wonder if she even reads it, about God will provide, how people find happiness not with physical possessions but with the simple things in life, playing with the kids etc., - one of the e-mails was titled I love you - I swear she isn't reading this stuff.
W has been in a crabby mood all day, called me to complain twice, can't wait for D, so I can tell her to call someone else, and tell them her sob stories, I can tell her she isn't my probblem anymore.
M45 W41 M10 3/4 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 Date I'll forgive W for A = never
Came home from work, W was sitting on the couch - in a somber mood, very quite, normally she is standing by the back door and as soon as I get home she leaves. Today she stayed on the couch and sat their for a long time.
I just walked in put down my briefcase and went to say hello to the kids, I'm not going to start any conversation with her unless its about business (house, kids, etc)
When she did yell down to the kids that she was leaving, no one moved, they didn't hear her, some time pasted and she yelled louder, D6, D6 & S5 went up to say goodbye, D9 stayed downstairs.
If she has problems, I don't want to hear about them, I know where I fit in: kids, OM, friends then me. She is going to have to deal with her own problems. I have nothing to say to her.
I know I'm still angry with her, I just need to get through the summer so I don't have to see her every day.
M45 W41 M10 3/4 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 Date I'll forgive W for A = never
I feel it with you, but you have got to find a way to get rid of some of your pent up anger. You loved the woman she used to be and can't stand the woman she is now, what happens if she is truly someone in the middle?
Do you see yourself changing for the better? Not just in your interactions with her but overall are you happy with who you are now? I really want to see you be happy. I'm here to talk if you want to.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Under a lot of stress at work, W leaving also didn't help my stress level, in the middle of divorce, Kids needs, all the house work, and my finances are stressed out with everything breaking around here, D9 braces, AC unit, and paying for divorce.
So I'm under a lot of stress, then W calls me at work and complains or is angry about something, I really don't want to hear about it, I just want her to keep it to herself.
I do see myself changing for the better, but right now I'm in survivor mode. Dealing with everything right now is a little overwhelming. Things will get better.
I've got my kids, my family, friends, parish family, my house.
M45 W41 M10 3/4 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 Date I'll forgive W for A = never
So I'm under a lot of stress, then W calls me at work and complains or is angry about something, I really don't want to hear about it, I just want her to keep it to herself.
If you're feeling really stressed out as it sounds you are, when W calls you to complain or vent and make you even more stressed out, could you just tell her that you are stressed out right now with financial or whatever (maybe not mention the D) but something like that? Wouldn't your W understand that and maybe be a little empathetic or sympathetic about that?
I know when my H was stressed out, prob. a lot of the times he yelled at me, if he could have told me he was stressed out it would have helped me a lot I think, I would have been more understanding of H and I think it would have helped. Just a thought, I realize you are a different couple, and I'm always reading my sitch into other people's so sorry for that!!! Karen
Jeff, If I were you I would see if you had a friend that could watch the kids for you, even if for a couple of hours and just lay around the house if you want. Watch a movie, don't do anything to clean...just relax. I am just as guilty spending so much time with my kids, throwing myself into their lives, but honestly if you don't save yourself a bit there won't be anyone there for them.
Sometimes my parents will take 2 of the kids, my in-laws used to take the other 2 just so I could have a little time to myself. You just sound soooo wound up. Join us for a movie night. Find something please.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Hey Jeff, I agree with kat. I would try to take a Saturday and a Sunday to just chill. At least a Saturday. Need to recharge your battery, you know.
I know exactly what your talking about with the stuff constantly breaking down. Now it is my fridge acting up.
Maybe rent some videos and games, pop a ton of popcorn and let them hang out in the living room. You can go to your room and do or watch what ever you want to.
I know you are doing a lot of extra-curricular stuff, like the soft ball and a lot of time at the pool, but sometimes you just need to chill out.
Maybe have mom and dad come over to watch them.
Or find that hot college age foreign medical student to baby sit
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Thanks kat and H4H, I'll be fine, I've been basically taking care of the kids everynight and weekend since December already W did help out some but not much.
I do have my nights out, softball, and there is a happy hour comming up in August that I'll be going to.
I'm tired but who isn't - Once D is final and kids are in school, I'll ask W to take the kids every other Friday night and drop them off Saturday afternoon. I'll eventually get into a set schedule that will give me some time to myself.
I'm not angry with the anyone or anything but my stbx W, I'm friendly to people I meet, I talked to several people at the pool Sunday. I'm friendly at work, I hardly ever yell at the kids, becasue kids will be kids.
I'm thinking long term: I need to get my house in order this year, get all my finances in order, get the house repairs done, get the kids into school and on a set schedule, get D finalized, prepare for party on Halloween and Christmas Eve at my house and be done with 2008. What do sports team say "It's a rebuilding year"
In 2009 I'll begin to build on my GAL stuff and get out more. I'm really looking forward to 2009.
M45 W41 M10.75 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 W files for D 07/18/08 Date I'll forgive W for A = never
Side note: W cut the grass today and when I got home she had already feed the kids and had dinner waiting for me. Fried Chicken, Mashed Potatoes, and Corn, my favorite dinner.
I'm confused, why is she doing this, she is being helpful and nice to me.
I'm confused, what do I say to her tomorrow morning: thank you, or piss off - one dinner doesn't make up for leaving me and the kids for OM. Or do I just keep doing what I'm doing ignoring her ?
M45 W41 M10.75 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 W files for D 07/18/08 Date I'll forgive W for A = nev
