For the Guy with Kids and a WW 8

[hopeful4her]

Thanks Puppy.

We still need to sit down and have the business conversation. Soon.

Well, the start of another day. It will be a GREAT day. Gonna listen to the "Downward Spiral" in my office today in between clients.

I know. How's THAT gonna help me keep the good mood? But Trent Reznor rocks. And "March of the Pigs" gets your blood pumping. Then calm down to a disturbing "Hurt".

Decided to come into the office a little later than usual. I've been coming in early, mostly to avoid roomie and I getting ready together like we had been and purposely avoiding each other. Just seems so childish. Just easier for me to not be there. Her too, probably. D6 snuck into bed with me last night. Woke up with her up against my back again. I sure love that.

I'm still up before roomie, who slept on the sofa with D11 camped out on the floor. Before I jumped into the shower, I heard her alarm go off. Maybe she'll walk in on me again.

Nah.

I'm out of the shower and as I'm shaving, she knocks very lightly and starts to open the door.

Hey, hey, hey! I could be neked or something. Too bad I wasn't. I know, I'll rip my boxers off real quick. Nah, too late. I open the door. She starts to come in to throw something in the trash? Okay? The trash can in the kitchen would have been a lot closer.

"Did you wake up late?"
"No."
"What time is it? Is it 7 or 8?"
"Its 7."
"Oh."
She looks terrible. Puffy and bags under her eyes. Hair looks good, though

I do my thing. She does hers. I make my lunch, take out the trash and then check on her car fluids.

Back inside, I make my coffee and decide to make hers, too.

Kiss my girlies good bye in their sleep and tell roomie to have a good day.

"You too."

I've also been thinking about what she plans on taking to the apartment. Girls stuff, mostly. I could care less about our stuff. Girls clothes, toys, dressers, beds. Stuff.

I hate having to think about this stuff. I don't want them to take all of their stuff over there, but I don' want them to be without over there, too.

I'm conflicted about it. Has anyone else gone throught this, too? Equal sharing of the kids?

My best friend and my mother are thinking the same. Their stuff needs to stay in the home.

I just don't know. I want to do what's best for the girls, thats all. It's not about making it easier on roomie or soon to be GBG.

BTW, that was the original reason for my post. Figuring out what would be best for the kids. Letting them be with mom? Fighting for custody with me? Equal sharing?

I'm getting what I want. I've prayed and prayed on it and I hope it is what is best for the girlies.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

BTW, that was the original reason for my post. Figuring out what would be best for the kids. Letting them be with mom? Fighting for custody with me? Equal sharing?

I'm getting what I want. I've prayed and prayed on it and I hope it is what is best for the girlies.

H4H,

That's an INTENSELY personal decision, and one we've all had to think long and hard about. Personally, I came to the conclusion that my wife's wayward lifestyle (meeting up with OM in parking lots, staying out late, lying repeatedly, not feeding the kids because she was out with OM doing god-knows-what, avoiding church, etc.) was NOT an environment in which I wanted my children growing up, so I went for full custody. I don't believe that the "fogged out" state of mind that people involved in active affairs are in is conducive to good parenting. Once they end their affair, go through withdrawal, and get some good counseling, I think they can once again be the kind of parent they were before, but it's a 6-12 month process.

But that's just me; YMMV.

Puppy

[hopeful4her]

But that's just me; YMMV.

Okay, you got me on that one.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Oh, sorry -- "Your Mileage May Vary."

[hopeful4her]

ONYJMSU.

That stands for,"OK NOW YOUR JUST MAKING STUFF UP".

[attorneytom]

You think ?

AT

[Sugar and Spice]

BTW, that was the original reason for my post. Figuring out what would be best for the kids. Letting them be with mom? Fighting for custody with me? Equal sharing?

I'm getting what I want. I've prayed and prayed on it and I hope it is what is best for the girlies.

H4H,

That's an INTENSELY personal decision, and one we've all had to think long and hard about. Personally, I came to the conclusion that my wife's wayward lifestyle (meeting up with OM in parking lots, staying out late, lying repeatedly, not feeding the kids because she was out with OM doing god-knows-what, avoiding church, etc.) was NOT an environment in which I wanted my children growing up, so I went for full custody. I don't believe that the "fogged out" state of mind that people involved in active affairs are in is conducive to good parenting. Once they end their affair, go through withdrawal, and get some good counseling, I think they can once again be the kind of parent they were before, but it's a 6-12 month process.

But that's just me; YMMV.

Puppy

Puppy, thanks for clarifying YMMV...I was stumped. If and when my sitch goes to full blown D, unless my H has made some MAJOR changes in his lifestyle, I will seek and do whatever I have to do to receive full custody. If he has changed and he has sought help for his gambling and is either with Dos Trolls or is being a responsible adult, then I would be open to discussing joint custody. I'm with Puppy. Its such a personal and situational thing that you have to do what your heart tells you. First and foremost though, is she going to be able to take care of your kids? Will they be safe, fed, and in a healty environment? Thats what my major concerns would be. As far as their beds and things are concerned, she wants to leave, let her provide them with the things they need at her place. They need beds and stuff for their room at her apartment, then let her provide them. This is her choice, her circus...let her be the ringmaster. This is a consequence of her actions, let her figure it out.

(((H4H)))

[kat727]

I think you have caved enough to fulfill her fantasy. Beds etc stay at the house where they belong. If she is not able to provide a bed for each of them then maybe custody issues will need to wait. Quit being so darn nice about this.

I still don't think she should get 1/2 custody because you don't seriously believe once she is out on her own, she won't be dashing off to see OM every chance she gets do you? One night a week and every other weekend I believe is the norm. Put your foot down. Whose toes are you afraid of stomping on??

kat

Ps if she throws out the mother card, tell her that when she starts behaving like one you will be more than willing to discuss it.

[hopeful4her]

I don't doubt her parenting skills. She's had lapses. I have never felt uncomfortable with them being with her. I tell myself that she does not make good decisions, but hey, I think we can all say we've had parenting lapses. Something we should have done different or not done at all. I wouldn't question their safety.

So far the consensus is that she needs to provide the things for the girls. This will get interesting. I don't want the girls to be without. I don't want them in the middle. Because she and I are being stubborn. I would feel terrible. Its my kids. No fault of their own. This is such a hard thing for me. I think I can let some things go. As long as they are not wanting at home.



I understand what everyone is telling me. And I agree.

But it's my kids were talking about here. What a sh**y thing to have to think about.

[hopeful4her]

I still don't think she should get 1/2 custody because you don't seriously believe once she is out on her own, she won't be dashing off to see OM every chance she gets do you?

I don't doubt it. She'll have a whole week every other week to be with him at a time for all I give a sh*t. Apart from our sitch, I don't question her mother skills.

Put your foot down. Whose toes are you afraid of stomping on??

I'd put my foot down her F'ing throat if I could right now, so I don't think stepping on her toes would be a problem.

I've had a long time to think about this. 50/50 was my goal. Not full custody. If she has another health episode while they are with her, yes, I'll go for it. If I thought they were in danger, then yes, full custody.

I don't believe they are. I am not one to believe that kids belong with their mother. I do believe in equal sharing, though. As long as the parents are both responsible.

And if it is the best for the kiddo's.

IT'S CLOBBERIN' TIME!