losing sunshine but gaining happiness either way

[LosingSunshine]

keep your head about you.. and try to do what is best. Don't let the Emotion drive.. as hard as that will be.

Doing the best I can and it's amazing that I am not letting emotion drive right now, as hard as it is to control it. can't say the same about W.

I hope there is something useful in it.. One of the things my L was going to use was some of the texts to.. make her case against wife.. I wasn't so sure I wanted to prove she was a bad person.. I just wanted to make sure I was protected. Proving she is having a relationship.. whatever it may be.. can benefit you.. at the same time it has the side effect of pointing a finger and saying.. see I knew you were bad. We all make bad choices.. someone pointing them out.. in public.. can lead to a lot of hurt and resentment. A lot of people take the hard line with this stuff.. just make sure whatever you do.. you are happy with it.

Like you, I don't want to prove that she is either a bad person, confused, emotionally unstable whatever. I want to fight for what is best for my kids. At the worst, these texts will independently validate my notes. At best, who knows.

I like the tone of that post there.. I think you are understanding what I am saying about what to do. I am a "softee" when it comes to this stuff.. other people may disagree.

Thanks! It's a fine line to walk, managing the business side. It's even harder to focus on DB'ing while enmeshed with the business side. Softee or not, starting from a position of strength is far better than trying to fight our way up hill. I believe I will regret not allowing my L to give me a fighting chance. Also, cards are being held very very close. No peaking by the other side, LOL!

Look as long as you are being honest.. and keeping her as informed as you can.. who's fault is it if she gets "run over"? There will come a time down the road.. when she is thinking more clearly.. then when she looks back.. what will she see? Just because she does not hear you now.. does not mean you should not "Act as if".

Exactly my thoughts. Thinking about the "act as if". I think I get it.

If you have a clear head, are able to be honest, know what you want..there shouldn't be any issues. She's not there. She's amazed that I am where I am all things considered. She's lost, vunerable, scared, afraid you name it. She doesn't want to lose her kids. They are the world to her as they are to me. She doesn't understand the legal aspect of all of this. She's still in la la land. Now, I must admit, that when we do talk, eventhough I am not hinting about what my L knows and what my L is doing, I am taking the position with her to keep this from blowing up. She's not listening and doesn't want the win win that we can accomplish. She'll end up with the win lose combo courtesy her L.

"L said notes are gold."

I knew that.

I think you are walking tall in a hard place.. just keep your head up.. and think as clearly as you can.

Thanks. The gold will be trimmed with platinum maybe. L is game on. It's easy walking tall, and keeping my head up. Heck, even easy to think clear. Not so easy dealing with emotions but have ways to cope and deal and get back on the PMA.

Thanks again FG!!!