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Hi cat. Long time, huh? Thanks for not just blasting me. That is why I was afraid to come back to the site, it was getting too painful.

When I took the anti's H constantly talked about them. It was a big deal for him that I am a depressed person. Just the other day he brought it up again and again I had to explain that in our marriage I did not have problems with it until this stuff. He used to say he could tell when I was on it. Says I blame everyone else. No, I take part in this, believe me. But I feel I tried and he didn't. But that argument goes on forever. So I went off over a year ago, I forget even when, to see if he would notice and he never mentioned it. I never felt any difference myself. I had agreed to stay on as a condition of him returning. He broke his promise.

About her? My D8 keeps coming home where GF has put makeup on her the night before, done her hair, painted her hair, given her presents, etc. It really bothers me that she is doing things I find sacred to me. I know, get over it. I sit here crying and depressed and destitute and they are over there doing their hair! Yes, I know. I bought hair color spray and she and I did hair, nails, toenails yesterday. Even sprayed my hair blue. Yes, Mom can be fun too.

I am going to try to make other arrangements on my nights so that the kids stay here and I don't have to go into that scene to pick them up. I don't want to see her.

I cannot help this obsession.

I did see several lawyers for consultations. He said papers are coming, just sign them and avoid costs of lawyers. Wants everything 50/50. Kids, house, 401K. I said his '68 charger too and he is arguing that it is his. Bought and paid for while married, I'd say joint. So do I fight him? He is willing to let me wait until our current mortgage is almost done to remortgage and pay him what I owe him from the house so he is sorta being reasonable so at times I don't want to rock the boat cause I want to live here. I just don't know anymore.....