losing sunshine but gaining happiness either way

[LosingSunshine]

Thanks FG for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. Much appreciated. It's definitely been a roller coaster of a couple of days. Actually felt good this morning and then all of this happened. Getting collected and it is no longer bothering me. Looking forward to hanging with the kids and W tonight, seeing her new t/h and talking about things.

And usually a 50/50 split of the children will effect the support payments. Looking at it from the other L's side.. it is easy to say.. no you need to press for full custody.. that way you get more support. Again.. the L is a extension of you.. but they have their wallets to look after to.. and they want to make sure you get all you can. Even if your wife said heck no.. the L will push for more than the client wants. And they will usually convince the client.. it is in their best interest.. any way they can. Play the game.. just don't let it get out of hand.. it is really hard to do all the L stuff.. and be nice about it.

I am finding out that the L stuff is less than comforting and and impacting my anxiety level but dealing with it and keeping a PMA. I have the tough little cookie in town, my W has the daughter of the bulldog. Each are fighting for the most right now. Her L will get a surprise when she sees our response.

Depending on the cell carrier.. all this will likely detail is who she was texting.. not what was said. Last I checked.. about 2 months ago.. AT&T was about the only company keeping a log of texts.. and it was.. not that accurate. There is a lot of discussion about this between L's.

I am with verizon and they told me that they will only release the content of the text via a subpeona. It's on the way. Txts between W and OW should make for either very boring or juicy reading for me and the L. Should also corroborate my notes about her not being around for the past 40 days.

I gotta expect.. your wife is just "along for the ride" here. She has placed her "life" in the hands of this L and is expecting them to do the right thing. This is not always a smart choice. She may regret it.. you just make sure you don't regret any decisions you and L make.

What's interesting is everytime she meets with L, she changes her mind and continues to move forward with what L says. Of course, L most likely does not know entire story and will definitely be taken by surprise. Also, I am learning the hard way that WAWs do not hear what LBS say. Regret is something I am not struggling with as I am keeping my focus on the kids and have been since the sitch began, along with focusing on changing me for the positive. I do not regret anything up to this point, that my L will be doing to give me a fighting chance at custody. I also don't regret securing the only people in our town (all of our family are out of state) that can speak to our parenting abilities (they will be needed if a home evaluation takes place - no family please as they are biased). L said you are now thinking correctly. W will only have OW to speak to parenting ability. Not good.

The way you show up as not manipulative.. is make sure you are clear with how things are going to go. Make sure and ask the L what you can.. and can't talk about. Tell her within the confines of the L's rules.. what is going on.

I have done this she is just not listening. She doesn't understand the reality of the situation. I can only believe she is getting poor advice from OW/friends, poor advice from L if L doesn't know what's going on. I have stated to her what I want and what I think is best for me and the kids. She has stated what she wants and thinks is best for the kids and we both agree. She talks with her L. No agreement and back to the drawing board.

What I can't talk about, our gameplan. What we know. What we are doing outside of the fact that our response will be filed. W has no idea what my L is doing to get me full temporary custody and possibly permanent. I won't say. I will discuss with her tonight the state guidelines on custody etc...but they are guidelines, not rules/laws.

You must be clear.. and concise.. did you get a notepad? And are you writing stuff down?

I am writing stuff down and keeping a daily log in a spreadsheet. I send an updated copy to my L everytime I see her. The notes are more detailed than the first few weeks but no problem she said. Txt messages will corroborate it anyway. Good notes. L said notes are gold.