Completely and utterly devastated--how to cope

[Jen_Jam]

Hi ITS - just to say that IM convo looked good - well done and also on going out for a walk ... good too. I agree with Lola as well - get out and about. The weather's lovely right now

were there times along the way where your H actually showed that he missed you, actually reached out to you and seemed like the person you'd fallen in love with originally?

There were times when he appeared to be enjoying my company, we were getting on great as friends, then back at Relate (MC in the UK, personally I don't recommend them) he'd be all "my feelings havent' changed". Sigh I had to rely heavily on myself and my friends. Hugs from friends helped, i hugged myself a lot too. Sounds nuts but it helped.

did you talk to a DB coach or did you just use the book?

No coach, my toolset was:
The DR book - kept by me like a bible! Kept reading, re-reading etc
These boards. Had my team of gurus to hand. These are not people I have ever met, but if and when I do it will be like we've always known each other
My diary - I'm a real spreadsheets person. Action plans, goals, tolerances. I don't work as a Project manager but I do some PM at work. I prefer writing to talking too (I would rather email than phone). So my diary helped because I poured it all out in writing. My feelings, my plans, sometimes I wrote in the second person, as if I was telling myself what to do.

We did have some MC, as aformentioned. It helped H to feel more secure, so that he could talk without me flying off the handle (I'm a firey redhead) so at least I got him to open up a little, but the best was still the DR book.

PS If you want, I'll post to you links to my threads ... I don't want to make out I'm some kind of shining example, I don't want to appear big headed or anything like that, oh no. just ... if you can face trawling through all the posts, if you feel it may help I'll gladly share. I know how painful this feels, and yes there are similarities. If I can help, I will. My bomb was like having my still beating heart ripped out of my chest. If I can help someone get over that even just one week quicker than I did then I will.