I'm in a low-sex (a dozen encounters per year) marriage (for 8 years) and I wish it would become a no-sex marriage. And I'm the high sex drive spouse! The sex we do have gives me so much tension and sorrow that I know I would be much better off with none. I'm in my early 40's, and VERY good at controlling my urges.
Wrote this letter to my W tonight... don't worry, I will NOT send it.
W;
i often say things like "if i share my thoughts, you'll like me less" etc. i'll never send this note but i wanted to write it anyway.
i could never say this stuff so i just let everything get worse and worse.
it's sunday night. we had sex saturday morning.
i wish we could just stop.
it happens so seldom, and when it does, it makes me feel so badly, that i think i (maybe you?) would be better off without it.
random reasons that i think we should stop:
- you've said over and over that you appreciate that I am "considerate" and "not demanding" sexually so I assume you know that i masturbate almost every day to keep from becoming "inconsiderate". i hate that, it makes me feel like a dismal failure but as far as orgasms go they are good-to-great. therefore, anytime you initiate sex i've usually came a few hours before and i worry that i won't be able to perform.
- it is sex like i imagine 90 year old people would have sex. you will never lift your shoulders from the bed, EVERYTHING must be done flat on your back, from start to finish. sometimes you will be reaching or stretching like "Oh can i possibly reach my hand over to stimulate him, i wish my arm were longer, there is no possible solution because i would not dream of sitting up or moving". my theory is that you feel fatter sitting up, etc., and less fat lying on your back.
- 90% of the time you have your orgasm from my oral stimulation. at that point you more or less check out mentally. but when i want to end the session after your orgasm, you get upset because i didn't have one. don't worry, i'll take mine "to go".
- i never initiate because even with our very, very low frequency, when i initiate i have a pretty high rejection rate. i sort of feel like when it's been 3-6 weeks rejection should be unlikely. and the rejection usually is (or seems?) very sharp. i'd rather not risk it so i don't initiate anymore.
- weight... actually bothers you more than me i think. it seems there is a larger % of your body "off limits" to touch because you are unhappy with it (perceived off limits to me based on your reaction to my touch). i start to just not touch anywhere, rather than risk touching an area that you feel is unattractive. it has gotten to the point where i don't want to see your body, it just makes me sad to see how you've let it go.
- speed... i mess this up everytime. i had always thought that it was good for a man to last. however, i realize you are mainly only having intercourse for me so faster is better. if i would just start and go for the orgasm i could get there very quickly. however because that is not enjoyable for me i always go slow at first until i am able to continue with no risk of quick orgasm. problem then is that it takes me FOREVER to come, no matter what. i run 1,000 fantasies through my head in quick succession trying to find SOMETHING that will make me come faster. that emotion you hear from me when i come is genuine relief, thank God it's over.
i am perfectly content to just let it all go. i feel horrified when you start to initiate, knowing how it will go.
but reading this would make you terribly angry with yourself or with me so i won't send it.
