Ken's situation - Live-in WAW

[steady]

Wow. Thanks everyone for the support and feedback.

Had a pretty good day. Was mostly uneventful. Went over to my house early in the morning and watched the kids while my wife took a shower. She always greets me with a hug and kiss.

Took my son to the dentist and then we went out to lunch at Uno's. Just small chat about stuff.

Drove into Manhattan to the ear doctor and I stayed in car with my daughter while my wife ran into doctor with son.

On the way home my wife asked how it went with psychiatrist on Sat. I told her it went well and I saw the therapist afterwards. Said we made some nice headway and the psychiatrist is feeling good about the meds working. She then asked if the therapist felt the same way and I said yes.

We then talked a little bit about what's going to happen at the end of the two week 'break'. Conversation went fine. No big problems. I told her I was also wondering what we were going to do after the two weeks and how she was going to judge if my meds were working ok. She said she didn't know. I then asked her how I felt to her now and she said she didn't know. Then I said we'll just talk to the MC about it.

The funny thing is I kinda like not being around her all the time. It's taken alot of stress off of me and gave me the space to think and explore. She's been treating me like crap for a few months now and the time away has given me the ability to see it with more clarity.

Part of me to doesn't even care anymore what happens. And part of me does. Part of me is attached and part of me is completely detached. Kinda funny seeing so many different aspects happening at the same time.

Went back to the house and gave the kids baths and put them to bed. We then picked up around the house and cleaned up. It was around 9pm now and she asked if I wanted to spend time with the kids on Wed. I said ok so I'm gonna take them in the morning so she can get some stuff done and go to her individual therapy.

Somewhere in our evening conversation she remarks that her therapist told her, "Are you sure you want to come back because it looks like you have everything under control" - so she's in therapy talking about how to deal with my bipolar condition. Makes me laugh. Like she doesn't have issues that contributed to the drift in our marriage.

I get a little pissed because she won't take responsibility for her share in this. Guess that comes with the territory right now.

We also talked about not knowing how much of her stress is caused by my behavior, how much is her reaction to the situation, and how much is her not being able to deal with stress etc...

I also told her I don't want to come back in to the house and have the stress start up all over again. I also told her I feel like I'm taking the brunt of the blame for everything that's happened. Also told her we can bring this up with MC and not for discussion between us right now.

Overall the discussion was fine. Very calm no mudslinging. Was productive.

Other stuff was said but can't be bothered to remember right now for some reason...lol

ken