Thanks KJo. I'll throw back a double of tequila. I strangely seem to be developing a taste for tequila. I almost think I could drink it neat with maybe a splash of lime juice. Call me weird.
This morning was a tough one. Something drug my thoughts back to a bunch of the intel I gathered, Oh Boy!! PAIN TIME!! Then, I got to play a nice little conversation in my head of our next MC session.
I've decided that I'm sick and tired of waiting for her to ever apologize for anything. Everything is either my fault or I shouldn't be hurt by it because a normal person wouldn't feel that way. In the past, I always folded under this dynamic. As I grow in myself, I'm starting to see what she has been doing and to realize that while not perfect, I'm a pretty exceptional husband. Because she sees nothing wrong with her behavior, my willingness to forgive and that I still love her in spite of all her crap isn't seen as something special at all. Not that any one else on this board could relate :P
In wanting her to acknowledge that she has hurt me badly along the way even as I accept responsibility for hurting her. She seems unable to accept that she could hurt someone else, so, our discussions devolve into a competition to see who was hurt worse, blah blah blah. It is a cheeseless tunnel for sure and I'm tired of it.
I'm not sure where all this leads. My biggest fear isn't that we go our separate ways, it is that I grow and become the man that she is wanting and yet she can't or won't grow to be who I need her to be and that for my own sake I have to leave. It's probably a wee bit premature to be worrying about that one.
