Yes she has talked about that as being her responsibility. I think she really stumped as to how to do it though. She feels that no matter what she says or does, I'll always question her honesty after this. I can see where she's coming from on that becasue I probably will for a while.
For instance tonight I called her on her cell about meeting tomorrow to exchange our 2 yo son in the morning. She had made last mintue plans with friends and went out. I admit I was a little jealous of this but didn't say anything to her. She did make a point to tell me that she wasn't bothered by my call ended the conversation with ILY and then called me back about an hour later as she left the restuarant. She also made a point to tell me that her friends mentioned that she should call me to come join them but obviously with the baby here and my two older sons here that was impossible. But all those things made me feel better. Keeping in mind the the affair happened outside of this circle of friends, so I have no reason to be upset with her going out with them, other than my own feelings of insecurity. I do want her to have friends outside our M. That was a BIG problem in our M before. She felt trapped her at home with 4 kids and in a R that was going nowhere due to the fact the we had gotten ourselves intoa cycle of hurt and counterhurt.
I feel like I'm on the right track here but the hard part is making sure that I don't share the wrong feelings with her that will put a back a few steps. Tonight was a big deal for me because my gut reaction was to make a snipy comment about her being out with friends, but I caught myself and in the end I felt better by the things she said.