We didn't want to divorce. We are heartbroken about the loss of our family, the extended family, the dinners together, the love we dreamed of and lost, despite our best efforts.
What we have left is our beloved children. They become our priority. We try to normalize their world for them rather than make the "tragedy" continue for them all their life.
We try to define "family" in a new way for them so they don't feel like the pariah at school, so they don't feel like the outcast, so they can go forward with confidence and know they are loved by both their parents.
We try to make it okay because that's what we, as parents, are supposed to do.
Don't come in here with all that "they won't be okay, it isn't okay crap."
Don't you think we can generate enough negativity on our own? Or from other people, like you, who remind us of how tragic our lot in life is?
We NEED to find the positive. We need to make it okay--what are the alternatives? Of course we know we have to co-parent well with the ex and take our focus away from the OP--that's DB 101. Forgive my irreverence but DUH--of course it takes hard work--the hardest work we've ever had to do is to turn this pile of shite we've been handed into something our families can cope with. We are seasoned veterans over here trying to make it okay for our children. Saving our marriages is not an option for us here on the surviving board but saving ourselves and our children from a life of having a hole in our hearts is within our grasp. Are you really naive enough to believe that keeping a bad marriage together (infidelity, cruelty, fighting) will spare the children emotional troubles down the road? I can assure you, it will not.
I have lots of suggestions about how to help the children not just survive, but thrive in a divorce situation, but I'm too busy being a mom right now and frankly, too peeved at your negativity, to get to it now.
Love to all us brave souls. Althea
p.s. Just saw Hellboy II with the kids yesterday and it was AWESOME!!!!!
