Well SG - I certainly agree that D is not the ideal. Obviously. And I think everyone here would agree with that. That is why we all came here. To save our marriages. We believe in M and I think just about everyone here was willing to fight for their M.
That said, to suggest that children from D can't thrive....well that's simply short sighted. They can. Is it easy? No. Are there more stumbling blocks? Of course. But with kindness, patience and love it can be accomplished. And certainly simply coming fron an intact family is no guarantee that a child will thrive either.
I can tell you with no hesitation that I am a waaaaay better parent for having gone through this. And you know what...my STBX is even being a better parent as well. Do I wish we could have been better parents together...yes. But that is out of my control. We have joint custody. 3 days with me, 4 with her and then 4 with me 3 with her. We live 3 miles from each other and have kept them in the same school.
My kids hurt over it. They cry about it. I comfort them and do my best. But I also see them smiling more than ever, laughing more than ever, hugging me more, telling me they love me more...they ARE happy. And I'm not just talking about the last two years...than EVER.
I guess i just don't think it's as simple as a this or that. Better D'd or together. There are too many factors at play. Yes they may be happier with us together. But what does together really mean? What does that change for them?
And SG...you talk about the hole in your Ds heart. You seem to feel as though it is becuase of the D. But could it be because her dad has chosen not to play a role in her life? Because he is failing as a father. Just because you are Dd doesn't mean he couldn't have chosen to have done that. How would it be different for her if he had?
