Real Life part 6

[Rob1231]

Hi Sara, So glad you had fun at WDW - you certainly deserved the break from the craziness back home!

I want to be friends with him, but not while he is still with her.

Remember, while OM is certainly not one of your favorite people - SHE is not the one who turned their back on your marriage. If it hadn't been her, it would have been someone else - your H is the one who took leave of his senses.

[lodo]

Hey Sara,

Welcome back - glad your trip was fun!

I agree with Rob re: OW.

lodo

[karen43]

Welcome back Sara! Well I do agree with you Rob & Lodo, but I also don't think much of anyone who gets involved with a married man like OW did. Yeah, your H might have found another woman with questionable morals to get involved with besides her, but still don't think much of the OW just b/c there might have been another trampy woman who wouldn't have said no to your H. I mean if that's the best defense for OW, I think I'd have to convict her.....:) Of course, I'd probably never be picked for that jury! Karen

[Rob1231]

Hey Karen - I'm not defending OW, not in the least! Just saying that, in the big picture of Sara's M, she is not important, not worth spending the time and energy on. Seriously! (Have you heard the Icky Band-Aid analogy?)

[karen43]

Hey Karen - I'm not defending OW, not in the least! Just saying that, in the big picture of Sara's M, she is not important, not worth spending the time and energy on. Seriously! (Have you heard the Icky Band-Aid analogy?)

I can agree with that. I've been trying to work on forgiving the OW and reducing my anger (obviously still working on that! ) and have even prayed for her a few times, and I do that mostly because I know it's good for me (and she needed to be prayed for) :). I haven't heard of the icky band-aid analogy and now I'm curious! Karen

[Rob1231]

The Icky Old Band Aid Analogy

Remind yourself that your WAS is hurting, and they have applied the OP to their hurt like a band aid. But in fact, the OP is a really lousy band aid - they don't actually help the WAS heal, because the source of their pain is deep inside. The OP just temporarily covers up the hurt so your spouse can pretend this is helping.

Eventually the OP will get all gunky and smelly and black around the edges and start to peel away, and your spouse will wonder why in the world they ever thought this was a good way to make themselves feel better.

In the meantime, don't worry about the OP - they are insignificant. YOU are the one that matters.

[kat727]

Gross! But makes me feel better anyhow.

Sara glad to hear that you had a good trip. Disney can always do wonders as it brings out our inner child.

kat

[Sugar and Spice]

The Icky Old Band Aid Analogy

Remind yourself that your WAS is hurting, and they have applied the OP to their hurt like a band aid. But in fact, the OP is a really lousy band aid - they don't actually help the WAS heal, because the source of their pain is deep inside. The OP just temporarily covers up the hurt so your spouse can pretend this is helping.

Eventually the OP will get all gunky and smelly and black around the edges and start to peel away, and your spouse will wonder why in the world they ever thought this was a good way to make themselves feel better.

In the meantime, don't worry about the OP - they are insignificant. YOU are the one that matters.

Look at Dos Trolls...she was an icky, black, curling at the edges band aid but H still thought that would fix it and now look at it...EEEEEeeeeewwwwww

Rob is right, you are all that matters. Its hard to accept that its not about them, because we as LBS spend a lot of time wondering about them, what made them the one? Its not about them being the one, they were simply there. Not Ms./Mr. Right, but Ms./Mr. Rightnow. Its about our S and their inability to face or fix whatever the real problem was/is and that is the frustrating and sad part.
(((hugs)))

[JeffSTL]

Hey Sara, I'm glad your back - been busy on this site
I'm sure you were happy to get away from everything

I guess you'll be starting to plan for the next school year.

Time moves on and so will we. I see in your post you are still willing to be friends with your H, I don't know how you do it, you must be a stronger person than me.

I'm currently waiting for the D papers to arrive, little stuff still disapearing from house, today it was a small basket I keep spare change in.

M45
W41
M10.75 years
D9, D6, D6, S5
OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me
WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08
W files for D 07/18/08
Date I'll forgive W for A = never

[Starshyne]

Hello everyone thanks for the kind words and for checking in on me. I think about you all frequently.

You were all right. H contacted me a few days ago and said that he is breaking up with OW. Said that he thought he could change her but she has became violent on him. He also said that he is trying to get out of the lease for the house he and her had rented together. The lease starts tomorrow but he says he can't stand living with her anymore. Something about how her kids are always using his soap! (sound familar???)

Then tonight he calls and asks me if there was anyway we could get back together. I really couldn't believe it. I am really confused and feeling bad that I didn't wait longer to file for divorce. If only I had held out a month or two more. But I told him there wasn't a chance of that because I he cheated on me twice among other things. But I told him that I will always be his friend and be there to listen. I then told him that I was thinking that maybe we should have been just friends in the first place and never married. We always were just such great friends but never had any romantic or sexually chemistry. He sounded so hurt when I said that, but honestly more and more I have came to that conclusion.

I have been talking to him a lot. He says I am the only rational person in his life. I don't know if it is bad that I am so willing to listen to him. This big part of me just feels sorry for him. We all knew this would happen and I even predicted it would happen before the divorce was final (I was right). All of this would come crashing down and he would realize the truth.

The one thing that just has made me happy is that I have talked to my old husband again. Not the mean person that I was talking to a few months ago, but the man that I met in 2001. He kept telling me how sorry he was for everything and how he thinks there has been something mentally wrong with him. All I said was that something had to be mentally wrong for him to be willing to give up someone so special (me).

Sara