First of all - everything you do should be because you choose to do it. Listen carefully to your heart and mind. Nothing needs to happen fast - you've shown that it has gone on for a long time. It seems to me that your H likes keeping you dangling. I don't think that is fair to anyone involved but it is what YOU think that counts.
You have made it clear that you can forgive him and want more than anything to restore the marriage. How long can you continue in the manner you are in right now? Indefinitely? It is really not healthy but I can see why you are doing it. I do not mean to put down what you are doing as it is a very personal situation.
Let me tell you about Annette Miller.
Annette used to be a regular on the MLC bb in 2002 - 2003. She had 3 small children. Her H had OW. He even took her baby sometimes and had OW feed the baby. It made my skin crawl! He had moved out and in with OW and was gone for a year. During that time, he came back to visit the kids. And have sex with Annette. Regularly. It made an interesting situation. And we all thought she was nuts to put up with it. I could not understand how her emotional side could take it. I know it was not easy. But she felt the sex kept their connection going. She smugly felt that she had something over OW. I worried about STDs for her. Many here kept on her about his "Cakewalking" and how long she could keep it up.
Annette is one of the success stories from this bb. I met her in person during the height of the problem. But her H came back. And they finished building their new house. And as far as I know (she stopped posting) they are still together today.
Now, not everyone's story ends the same way. But that means maybe your story won't end like mine either. But if you really read my threads - Lemonade Stand etc under Surviving, you will know that I am also a Success Story. Of a different kind.
Because Success is really about making the best life you can for yourself. And sometimes we come to a fork in the road. And sometimes we have to jump hurdles. And sometimes we have to take a detour. Or take the road less travelled. Or navigate uncharted territory. And sometimes we find gold at the end of the rainbow. Or sunshine after the storm.
I just don't like to see anyone held back by fear. Because we have all been there. And we were all terrified in the beginning. I was a frightened small animal when I first came to the bb. Don't touch me - it causes me pain. Don't tell me what I don't want to hear. Let me cling to false hope - it is getting me through all this.
Sandrika, and others - don't believe any promises about your marriage being restored. There are no guarantees. But that doesn't mean it won't happen either. Just don't waste your life waiting.
Limboland is not an easy place to be in. But we all made a stopover there. Some of us decided to stay a while before deciding where to head next. It is not the place to live forever. But - there are many things you can do while you are in Limboland. You can take up a new hobby or rekindle an old one. I did both and I have found a whole new world of fun and friendships with mine. You can go out with friends. (by the way, being unavailable at times while you appear to be GETTING A LIFE is good - makes your H wonder what is up and maybe you are MOVING ON). Try to find the things that used to bring you joy. And do them again. DO NOT DATE before you are ready. And people who are trying to save their marriage DO NOT DATE. I made sure I was long past wanting to save my M before even considering dating. And then I waited even longer. If you're not ready - it won't go well anyway.
I know that some marriages are saved. Most, by the time they get to DB are beyond saving. But who knows which ones will be the exception rather than the rule. I just don't believe anyone should tell you that if you do everything right - your H will "awaken" and return. IF that's the case, after 7 years, my H is still dead. If you know that it is not likely, but still possible that yours might be the marriage that is saved - then you decide how long you can do it and what you will put up with.
Just consider more than one road. And don't let fear guide you.
