Completely and utterly devastated--how to cope

[istherehope]

And just to get out my feelings here instead of potentially making a big mistake with H, I really, really want to call or email him. Last night was the first night that I stayed away, other than on business trips, and I would have thought he would have some degree of concern about my experience, what the apartment was like, what my roommate was like etc. I heard nothing. Every moment that we are away he seems to get more and more distant, I thought it would work the other way! I just feel like I am sacrificing so much, i.e. being the one to move out of our comfortable house, agreeing to the separation even though I don't know what his intended outcome is, and keeping my distance. He can't see anything now except for what he needs, or thinks he needs. He has said that he wants to miss me, and so he needs the space. He wants an "active relationship" but doesn't even want me to be his girlfriend. He is not wearing his wedding ring anymore, and pretty much all of his coworkers know about this. I think he is going to get loads of advice about how he should just leave me if he is so unhappy...

I am just not getting better, and my instinct is really to escape, to go somewhere else for a few days. I have another instinct which is just to leave the country and give up, and see if posing this idea will make him think twice. I know this isn't the right thing to do, but it is incredibly tempting...