OK , so I am going to be super busy these next few days and I feel ok about it. the diet? YUCK... going terrible. My love affair with mexican food and just food in general ... my "BOMB" diet consisted of Cigarettes, Black Coffee and not much else... sometimes a pack a day I might add. And now ? I only smoke occasionally and it makes me dizzy everytime....
HMMM? Id rather be voluptuos....
I feel like this is good and I am allowed to smell the flowers as they say and yet I see that I am still wondering ... why the **** did it take this long?
had I not become enlightened, would I have Divorced and kept making mistakes? Like I said is it the sex that helped cure everything? I think so , but I also know that if I didnt develop the patience of a saint... and learn alot of other skills I was unaware of before he would have continued on... he really would have.
Skills... love isnt enough.. and sex isnt enough... wearing your heart on your sleeve isnt enough either.... whipped cream ( NTE ) isnt enough either. D*man it!
Stilettos they help ... but only for a bit. ( being a smart a** )
,,,,,
What really has worked for me personally is not taking everything he does personally and letting him fal on his face. not fixing evrything for him
I must say he also hit rock botom emotionally ( he never told me this , I just think it to be true) and saw that I really did love him and I have been there for him thru it all and that he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. ( the last part he did actualy say to me)
the funny thing is he actually scared me when he said all that. he made me cry tears of JOY.
I had always loved him and put him first he just never saw it that way. I still do but in a different way. I am healthier emotionally today than I have veer been.
When he threw his tyrade the other nit he sort of got me of kilter but like I said it felt different.... I wasnt a puddle of mush on the floor. I was just hurt.
I also think a Male POV is so necessary, IMO~ I throughout my journey have had Male support here and to me I have always seen that as a blessing from GOD. ( I love you Women here too please dont be offended I dont mean any harm, you will see why in a minute here~ )
I am not close to my Dad... Never have been unfortunately! I have no male friends to speak of... never have and dont think I ever will aside from here... ( they cant seem to want to look me in the eye ..( I know DQ just stop being so hot.... )
Even just when one of you guys ( NTE) said not an emotional discussion but a rational one.. something like that....
It stuck~! I mean sure I have been honing ( SP?) my skills but a light went on here. I have been really working on that and now it seems so clear that the more I leave emotion out the more he hears. It is like there is some sort of Male filter.. the more she cries the less he hears or listens .........much less absorbs.
Yesterday for instance.. ( work issue)
he relaxes all weekend and we dont talk shop at all and then he goes out of town yesterday and piles on all these things I have to do... I do not like that. I want my list of things to do ready so I can tackle then first thing in the morning.... had I told him that when he called I would have gotten upset and we may have argued a litle , no biggie. BUT~ instead I waited and around 8pm when he called again....I RATIONALLY ( thanks NTE) told him that I like to be organized and that from now on I am going to approach him on the weekend and see what is up for first thing Monday morning so I am prepared.
he agreed and that was it.. WTF? Is it really that easy if I am not emotional... or was he just in a good mood?
) isnt enough either. D*man it!
)
)
