The Wifey - trying hard not to cry.

[The Wifey]

I think I had S19 listed at one point. He's having a hard time with all of this. Thinks I'm not standing up for myself and his dad is treating me bad. They had words last week and it made an already strained relationship between he and his father much worse.

A little journaling. I was looking to hide a love note in my h's car this morning and came across condoms. I was totally floored. I ended up calling him right after he arrived at work with the motorcycle and told him what I found. I told him I couldn't think of any good reason why he would have condoms in his car.

He was surprised out of the blue, but I think he was honest with me that he'd put them in the car just before we went on vacation. That he had not had or planned to have sex with another woman, and didn't have them there just in case the opportunity presented itself.

He knows how deeply I am against affairs and how badly it would hurt me. He wasn't angry with me for calling and understood why I would ask.

I felt a bit angry, for the very first time. I thought he'd lied to me or was planning for just in case. Now I feel a little numb. I feel a little drained, actually.

((Ready 2 change)) I don't really know why he came home. He said it was because I said he could be in the house and I would give him space, and because we'd had some really nice weekend visits while he was away. Of course, he also told his friends that the L advised him to be in the house. So, you know, I think it could be either or both.

I had a good IC session last night. It is nice to have a C that tells you how you are feeling is perfectly understandable under the circumstances. We are working now on my coping skills and recognizing the early signs of a melt-down so I can implement a GAL thing to interrupt and prevent them.

She doesn't believe I should give up and I don't either. She let me borrow Michelle's book "How to get through to the man you love" and I lent her "Divorce Busting." I told her I think it would be helpful for me for her to be familiar with it. (Ordered divorce rememedy and the keeping love alive cd set last night.)