Based on something I heard last week/ or maybe I read it, can't recall now... theres a theory that: that which controls the serotonin and dopamine in the brain, controls the person.
How I've related this to my H, is that right now, is that it certainly explains how this OW (or any of our spouses affair partners) can have him wrapped around their little finger. She can in effect get him to do just about anything. The MLC in him is seeking feel good stuff and right now, this happens to be the parasite. Shame that she's someone who's so toxic - bad influence etc, someone who has the potential to really RUIN the H and his life. Yes, he still has an element of free will... but it IS greatly influenced by what his own brain is doing in regards to how she makes him feel.
My H HAS changed. Tremendously. Family members and people who have contact with him every day are left with their jaws dropped. I realized based on that, I simply cannot compete with that... all I'm going to do is damage myself if I were to try. Hopefully it will even out on him at some point.... I just suspect that it's not going to happen in the quick foreseeable future. He needs to hit the wall. My job NOW, is to be the stable one. Be the one who goes on with life and build something for ME first,... but something that still could have room in it for him, if he ever grows his brain back.
I worry for my H, because this person he's involved with... IS a horrible, HORRIBLE influence, and I've seen just how he went from being a loving man into a narcissistic, lying deceptive a/h to anyone and everyone except her! He's now given himself license to BE that kind of person because it's encouraged... cheered on by someone who'll happily reap the benefits of her influence.
My H may never come back and I'm now learning to accept that possibility. Instead, I've thought of exactly who he'd have to be to show up at my front door... with his brain back from la-la land. I do not want this person my H has become ... he he gets back down to earth... there's room then for the long journey back to reconciliation. Out of my hands.
Strange for me that right now, I'm getting out of the blue happy memories. I'll be driving and BANG... a memory of a happy time between my H and I. Par for the course, I guess.
Abbey
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
