gForce, I am happy for you. Your wife may have some unrealistic expectations but you are "aware". You will guide her. I read in a book there is a period 4-6 weeks after reconciliation that couples hit a low point. If that is true, be prepared and positive. I will come back to you with the "6 qualities all happy couple have". From the same book. Maybe it will help (although you do sound great). Love K
Yea, I know it will be a letdown after this honeymoon ends. I guess I should prepare for the pendulum to swing the other way. But thanks for the encouragement.
OM showed up at W's place this afternoon unannounced. I guess he has been driving by The Cottage to see how much time I am spending there. Gave her a pretty hard time, and tried to make her feel guilty about me. "I know you are sleeping with Peter" to which she replied -- well, yea, he's my husband! She is doing pretty well dealing with him, I think. He still seems to have an affect on her, but she's staying strong. I tried to encourage her as best I could and told her I could see the effort she is making and really appreciated it.
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
OM showed up at W's place this afternoon unannounced.
Hey Peter, just a few questions. Do you think that your W would get to a point where she would seek legal help in getting this guy out of her life??
It sort of worries me that he just came by unannounced. That's sort of stalkish behaviour.
I like the way you're handling this OM. You're letting her guide this and she seems really transparent which is good. I don't like the way he is guilting her..some women are vulnerable to be guilted.
I agree that it is bordering on stalking. And, yes I see the guilt working on her, but she has been handling those feelings well and her actions have been stellar. The problem is that he has not done anything overtly threatening. I am kind of hoping that I will be there when he comes over and he will get mad and hit me or something like that. But I think more realistically his behavior will settle down and he will fade away.
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
I agree that it is bordering on stalking. And, yes I see the guilt working on her, but she has been handling those feelings well and her actions have been stellar. The problem is that he has not done anything overtly threatening. I am kind of hoping that I will be there when he comes over and he will get mad and hit me or something like that. But I think more realistically his behavior will settle down and he will fade away.
There is no "borderline".
gforce, this IS stalking and your wife should tell OM that if he shows up or contacts her in any way, that she will call the cops.
It may come to that, but I don't think the situation warrants it. W is dealing with it well. OM is trivial at this point. I think I'll start calling him XOM.
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
gforce, I have read your entire sitch and I can't express how much admiration I have for the grace you've shown under tremendous pressure. You are such an inspiration.
I wish I had had the b@lls to write my H a letter early on. I an a DB failure.
In one way it's good that the other guy is so disruptive. Your wife can see who he really is without the veneer. Guilt only works when you're desperately unhappy, feel alone and think you're worthless. If she knows you have her back, then the siren song that once worked becomes a mosquito whine.
Also, being the one to extricate herself, to take ownership of the cleanup has to give her confidence, a sense of proving to herself where her commitment rests. She is earning her freedom from the other guy, her reconnection to you.. building rather than tearing things apart.
