Sounds like you are going to have a wonderful time. I am happy for you.
Last summer, the kids and I got summer passes to a nearby waterpark and it was so much fun.
This year, we have not been swimming at all. We don't have a pool and it is expensive to go to the waterpark for a day.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
H finally wrote to me what he thought about a legal separation. He wrote "what are we doing?" That I must know by now that he will never come back. He is afraid that if he agrees to a LS, I will want half of any property again, if he buys any. He really thinks it would be better to divorce. What would be the point of a delay?
He also wrote that he is worried about his health and he is trying to do something about it.
I would like to write the following:
Quote I KNOW you will never come back!!! I really don't know why you invited me to …... You have no love left for me! I felt that all the time in….. (where I was recently). You are just not the same person you used to be. I am so sad that I lost that kind, loving and fun to be with husband I once had.
When you left you told me that nobody can take away my memories. That's all I have and think of. I cannot understand that YOU above all people - the funnies person I ever knew - changed so much. And that you are so unhappy and unsatisfied with life and aging and don't want to get help. Life is not finished at ……, in a lot of ways it just begins. I never had so much time before, and I finally can do what I want and for the time being have no employer to tell me when to come to work and what to do.
The water and the camping are so nice at this time of the year. You know, I will never understand why you threw everything away. We HAD EVERYTHING we wanted, and we had a really good life! You always told me that we had more love than other people. If we would have gone to marital counselling when the problems started, I am sure we could have pulled through this crisis. Now we are both not happy and worse off, exactly what you told ...(somebodey) not to do!
You told me recently, that you are still not happy. So what was it worth just throwing everything away!
If we have a LEGAL separation, everything financially will be settled, and I will NOT be able to get anything from you nor you from me. It is up to you to decide what you want, but if you want a divorce YOU will have to do it.
Good that you are trying to …… (health). It must be so difficult for you, and I feel for you. Unquote
I don't know whether I should just agree to a D or not. But I definitely want HIM to go ahead. I am ready to throw in the towel. Is there any point in telling him the above or not? I just want him to know how I feel about it. There is no point for me to hang on any longer. H will not come back and in any case, I don’t' want a one sided R.
I am so sad at the moment, as I know it will never be the same again. We had such a loving and good relationship, and we were so happy for so many years! My sister just said the other day that she never thought we would have marital problems – not US.
So what do you think? Snodderly, if you are out there, I would also appreciate your advice.
I would also like to add the following sentense marked in red:
Quote:
If we have a LEGAL separation, everything financially will be settled, and I will NOT be able to get anything from you nor you from me. It would not mean delaying a divorce, but staying separated and NOT divorcing. It is up to you to decide what you want, but if you want a divorce YOU will have to do it.
IMHO, I think that the letter you are going to send is a good one. You let him know your feelings and if he wanted to get a D then it was up to him.
Sometimes I think when it has been this long it is better to get those feelings all on the table. Your h is still a lost man. You need to do what you need to do. Go with your gut feelings.
True, Your letter is a good one, however, I think you need to sit down and rewrite it a bit so that it doesn't sound like a knee jerk reaction to his posting. The way you've written is a reaction and you do not want to give him the satisfaction of a "reaction". Think about for a day or so and then rewrite it so that it sounds more like a well thought out response, a friend to friend letter at this point. Okay?
As for him wanting a divorce, then he should be the one starting the paperwork and the ball rolling up that hill. He almost sounds like he's trying to push you into filing. I would make it very clear in my response that if he wants the divorce, then he better well know he's going to be the one doing the filing. Also, if he's out there purchasing and selling property right now, you are entitled to half of it because there is no legal separation in place. You are still entitled to half of the property he's been haggling over w/you for a couple of months.
True, as I've stated before, don't give in to this man, not one inch. If you do, he's not only going to take the inch, but the entire mile. You are going to have to rely on yourself and treat anything to do w/finances as a business venture. He's not to be trusted and he's playing those mind games once again. He really is a piece of work.
True, be true to thy self for only you can trust yourself and the good Lord up above.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I'm so sorry!!!!! I wish I could give you a hug in person b/c I feel like that is what you need right now.
Listen to snodderly, don't give into what he wants. It made my H very angry but you have to take care of yourself. If you don't want to sell the house, don't. He is the one wanting this so let him do all the work.
