I think it's fair to say that no kids want to see their parents divorce. So in that respect I agree, they will never be glad it happened.
But will they be ok? Can they not even just be ok, but thrive and blossom?
Absolutely.
And that's why, even if a couple does divorce, truly decent and right thinking people will make every effort to co-parent peacefully and amiably.
I know you FIB. I know in the deepest part of my heart that you will never allow your feelings about what has happened between you and your wife spill over on to your kids. I know that you will never diminish her with your words. I know you will always encourage your kids to have a healthy and good relationship with her as well as you.
My boys were older when this happened to me, and perhaps that's a little different, though I can't say if it's better or worse. But I can tell you that after over a year and half since the divorce, my two boys are living very normal and happy lives. They miss their mother I'm sure. But they know that it was her decision to move away from them, and they still visit with her when she makes an effort to see her.
No, children of divorce are not doomed.
Don't allow yourself to believe that lie.
Our childrens future, much like ours, will be as good as we allow it to be.
I take serious issue with this, so I am doing this separately not on FIB 's thread......and I'm doing it personally, not as your moderator.
Quote:
But will they be ok? Can they not even just be ok, but thrive and blossom?
Absolutely.
We want to think so. It isn't completely true. It takes quite a bit.
I've been divorced a long time. I'm a child of divorce (I was 18) I've seen so many, many other folks who have been divorced a long time.
It isn't ok. They aren't ok. Sometimes they will even say, their parent's are happier now...but the kids aren't. They miss the emotional and financial security. They miss family meals. They miss the holidays. They miss weekends. They miss bedtime. They grieve. They 'hide' it sometimes.
You will do what you can to help them. Many don't 'thrive'. They merely 'survive'. And it takes a long time and a lot of help to get them to that point. And one of the parent's is usually a LOT less involved, and the kids FEEL the neglect.
And then there's the drama.
Our childrens future, much like ours, will be as good as we allow it to be.
It isn't that simple. It just isn't.
If you don't have a choice, you don't have a choice. But if you really have a choice....DON'T DO IT.
If you do it.....and have young children.........stay more than involved. Suck it up. Do what it takes for the children. Stop the drama with the ex. Just get over it.
Keep all the people involved in the children's lives as much as possible as if you were still married.
Get over the Other person. More harmful than the fact of the OP -- is fighting about and badmouthing the OP. Having the kids worry who they can tell about what. They may try to harmonize both or manipulate both....even if you aren't trying to get them to do that.
Learn to communicate well with your ex ... be friends as much as possible ....
Unfortunately...what kids need to see most for their security....lifelong commitment .... and how to make a relationship work ..... can't be done very easily when you divorce, even when you move on...... the new R is still short term enough and will take a very long time to prove it self. Words don't mean so much. It takes ACTION.
What WILL prove well is good will towards your EX.....not just in words....and if you can do that....maybe you can work it out with your spouse.
Last edited by sgctxok; 07/29/0805:54 AM.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
