She made contact with me yesterday, much sooner than I thought that it would take for her to call me. She says that she really misses the dog and wants to give her a special treat she bought for her. These are the same lines that she has used before. Of course she knows that in order for the dog to see her that will mean that I will have to see her. So silly .. the things they use to "hide" behind.
I don't know if the hiding is even conscious. It's just a feeling.
An unexamined feeling. Like "I gotta get out of this marriage!" which is the kind of thing that sets off the flight in the first place.
or later, "I gotta see the dog" - just the reaction on the other end.
part of her is trying to push me away b/c she doesn't feel like she deserves to have me back. I think we all tend to behave in this way, sometimes. I don't mean that we all have feelings that we don't deserve stuff. I mean, we all have thoughts or beliefs that are very strongly held, if sometimes unexamined, and we act on them. We have beliefs and values that are so intrinsic to us, that we sometimes cannot even see them, but though these beliefs exist in the shadows, they have real influence on our extrinsic actions. We act based on those feelings and beliefs.
An example: Most of us would say "I'm not prejudiced" and most of us consider ourselves open minded. But psychologists have done studies in which they show people images of dark-skinned faces. People (white, black or otherwise) tend to have more favorable emotions when looking upon fair-skinned faces. I'm not saying YOU (anyone) does this. I'm saying, it is statistically proven that people in general act prejudicially, though they consciously believe they are not prejudiced.
We cannot help but be influenced by our own beliefs. A belief that "I am capable" leads a person to be optimistic, which encourages success. (like a self-fulfilling prophecy). A belief of "I am strong" leads one to try harder when things get tough. All this is cool. The funny stuff happens when the beliefs are suppressed or unexamined.
Even more fun comes when a strongly held belief conflicts with real facts. Like "I am a good person", except (for example) you just ran someone over with your car. Now what do you do? You have to toss out one or the other. The belief or the reality. Most people will go to great lengths to rationalize away the reality. It wasn't my fault, that person shouldn't have been there, they were wearing dark clothing, they were not using the crosswalk, etc etc.
Also, re:
Originally Posted By: RTL
It sure seems to me at times that she's trying to make me give up on her.
Par for the course. Except I chalk this up to "making themselves feel better".
