Thanks again everyone. Saturday night was fun. I took the kids up and spent some time visiting my Mom and then put the kids to bed and drove 7 miles farther North to Ft. Collins to meet up with an online friend Aaron. We took a trip around the historic downtown area bars and had fun talking to people(mostly pretty girls). Sunday morning, the kids and I hurried home and got ready and headed to church. After church, we got doughnuts and I got one and a coffee for W. Left the treat at her work and went home. I was tired and should have taken a nap. Instead, I spent a bunch of time on the computer. I need to learn to set limits for myself.
On Sat. I sent W a text about D12 telling her D12 asked me to pick her up some deodorant at the store. I asked W when D12 had grown up. I was trying for a good reaction. W replied back on Sun that she had been wearing it for a year. I sent a text asking if she got her treats and she said thanks. I'm not sure if I need to stop all of that, some of that, or none of that. I think the little gifts like that without the romantic overtones can be helpful in small doses. I probably need to leave that alone for a while. Not sure about that sitch.
I met my my IC today. He listened to my story about finally throwing off the fear of people and becoming sociable and about attention I'm getting from the single women as I go about life and he summarized things at the end that a) I'm going through things I should have gone through as an adolescent and b) what I'm really looking for is intimacy. I was pretty much blown away by what he had to say. He hit the bullseye.
I normally go at least a month between appointments, but, this time I have another one for next Monday. I want to talk about how I can transform how I interact with the kids. I'm tired of being the petty tyrant at home and the cool laid back guy everywhere else. It feels like I'm 2 people and I don't like it at all.
It takes a conscious decision to not snoop on her. I haven't since I think Friday. Maybe I did some early Saturday, before deciding to continue DB, but, nothing on Sunday or today. I'm really trying to detach and focus on the problem with the kids.
I have Mom semi-committed to coming down and watching the kids once a week and I really don't care what day, as long as I can get out by myself. It would be real nice to have some friends nearby to go and do stuff with, but, until I can build a nice social circle, going to the bar and being social will do.
