Ready2Change (6) - Temp Orders

[Ready2Change]

First Thread --> Ready2Change (1) looking for guidance!
Second Thread --> Ready2Change (2) - Detached
Third Thread --> Ready2Change (3) - Papers filed
Forth Thread --> Ready2Change (4) - Drop the Rope
Fifth Thread --> Ready2Change (5) - No trust

Recap of my sitch:

I have been living with my wife for the past 17 years (married 11). We both are profesionals and make a good living. We have S9,S7,D6.

Feb 14 --> Realized my M was not in good shape.
Feb 18 --> I told wife "We need to talk". I listed out the following:
I want to do what is best for our M.
I want to do what is best for our kids.
I want to listen (really listen) to W.
I want more effective and frequent communication.
I don't want to get mad or angry.
I want to spend more one on one time with W.
I want to do more family activities.
I want to spend more one on one time with each of our kids.
I want to let W have the freedom to do what she wants.
I want W to let me have the freedom to do what I want.

Feb 18 --> I got the bomb (I don't want to be married to you any more, I don't want to slowly die inside, I want to find my soul mate )

I started DBing right away (Before I found/read book). Lots of 180's. I stayed out of W bubble and got into kids bubble. Cleaned up my looks. Started doing housework while W not around.

March 4: Read DR. (Wow those two weeks felt like months) Time was in slow motion.

March 4: This was the lowest point in R. No eye contact from W and only 1 Hi. She did not look good. She went to bed early and without saying goodnight to kids.

Lots of reading including:
Divorce Remedy
Venus/Mars
His needs/Her needs (good book!)

April 3: I find out W sells stock to retain lawyer. I believe I convinced her there is beter options including mediation.

April 4: First telephone coaching session

April 17: All day session with Wife and Michele

April 29: I visit lawyer to find out my rights. My state is Joint custody in 85% of cases and it is an equal equity state. Most of my fear goes away.

May 3 : I find out W has retained lawyer. Wants me to go sign papers at her lawyers on the 5th.

May 4th : Notify W I have lawyer and her lawyer needs to call mine.

June 1rst: Wife and I talk for first time in a while.

July 1: Wife and I agree to Nest. I have house and kids SMT W has kids and house WTF and we alternate S. 50/50 split.

Almost all communication is now by EMAIL. A few phone calls. We are dividing stuff, I move out August 1-3.

July 23 - Wife said good night to me on the phone! This was one of my original baby goals. Talk about patience...5 months.

[Ready2Change]

Temporary Orders hearing is in two days (Monday). I am preparing for court. Time to be cool, calm, and focused. I plan on dressing very nice and complimenting Wife. We have a 4 way at 9AM and the hearing at 10:30. Hearing will be 1 hour. W's L will ask W questions for 10 minutes, then my L asks W questing for 5 minutes. Then reverse with me. Each L then has 5 minutes of closing. Judge then makes decision for the last 10.

Wish me luck!

[Gypsy]

Yikes.. so that's what happens with Temporary Orders?

Good luck.. good wishes.

I'm trying to get over my fear of being fearful of that.. ugh.

*hugs*

[NNP1965]

Best of luck to you R2C... cool, calm and focused - that is a great plan!

[The Wifey]

I'm praying for you.

[LosingSunshine]

R2C,
Good luck and you and your family are in my prayers.


My hearing is August 14 at 1130. Hoping to have a settlement agreement in place prior. And you are right, this is not the time to let your emotions take over. Be calm, cool and collected.

Chris

[Ready2Change]

Hi all,

Thank you so much for your wishes and prayers.

Judge ruled that schedule stays the way it is:

The children are with me Sun Mon Tue
The children are with W Wed Thu Fri
Alternating Sat.

This decision releases alot of stress.

[Ready2Change]

This empathy thing sucks! Tears keep trying to come out today, but I didn't let them since kids were present. I know W is upset about what when down today. I feel sad that she is hurting. I feel sad that R is not improving (I know, be patient). I still miss my W. Packing makes this all the more real.

My stress level should go down some more after I move out and have the new place set up.

[Ready2Change]

On a good note, kids and I went looking at sofas. W is keeping the one in the "marital house", so we will need one at our new house.

[Continuing]

Hey Ready,
Sounds like you are having a tough time too. Thank you for having enough strength to encourage me even while you are in such pain.
I wish I could offer you more...sometimes I don't think words capture what we are going through, but I will offer what I can. You are walking a painful road but...you are WALKING.

B