Gosh, you crack me up, girl! I bet you have a very interesting job!! Maybe you should start a book.....of course you would have to file it under "fiction"....right? lol

Well, FG and I have talked a little. He thinks he can help us from the H's side of things. If so, then our side should be a cinch! (lol) Honestly, to tell you the truth......I'm still thinking. I want to hear from FG on this some more. We need to know why your H is acting like he is. If we can know where he is coming from.....then we will know how you need to handle things.

I still believe your emotional fears are somehow related to all of your loss. Please don't throw anything at me for saying that. You know....let me play therapist some more.

Seriously, it really, really got to me what you said about your H being the only one that knew your parents and they knew him and about your future kids, etc. It is like you are hanging on to H b/c he is your last thread of life that ties to your parents. If you loose him.....then you've lost any hope of continuing your parent's legacy by having children with this man that knew them. Am I completely nuts or does this make sense to you?

I don't have to tell you that you have to want him back b/c of who he is and not b/c he knew your parents and visa-versa. I think I would insult your intelligence greatly by doing that, so I won't. So, I will go around another way and ask you point blank.....if he had never met your parents, how would you act around him? Would you feel this desparation to keep hold of him--instead of letting him go?

If not for the connection with your parenst, would you want him back again--or would you tell him where he could go, and never look back? Is he your tie with the past, sweetie? Is it b/c of the link with your parents that you want to have this man's kids?

You said yourself that before you lost your dad that you never took any BS off of anyone. So, why are you taking it off of H? Are you afraid to allow him to make the decisions about the pool.....and everything else b/c you don't really trust his ability to make the wisest decisions? Your therapist said he had the maturity of a 15 year old, going back to the past again and what took place then. That would scare the heck out of me! I would be afraid to depend on the wisdom.....or lack of it....of the maturity of a 15 year old man. I would probably try to take over and tell him that I could have a bulldozer to come out or whatever........and try to make it sound like he was making the decisions. But, he may be smarter than that......you think? Maybe he doesn't like you calling the shots. Heck, I don't know.......I'm just playing a guessing game.

BTW, what happen to the PIA? Is she still around or is he just moving all over the place with whoever?

Christa, can you see yourself with any other man? Making love to any other man beside him? Do you ever fantasize about another person? You don't have to answer all these crazy questions......I am just on a journey trying to get you to think. I'm hoping that together we can figure this "crazy mess" out.

We need FG to come here to help us. (Oh Lord, I never thought I would say those words! hahahaha) If he will get inside your H's head and tell us something.....then we can move on. He thinks he can...lol. We will see.

Last words....thinking out loud to myself......Christa has suffered a lot of loss and pain. Husband is last chance of having children with a man that has a link to parents' past. He goes off in angry behavior and Christa is afraid. She takes his BS that he gives her b/c she is desparate to hold on to him.....he is the last tie. If she looses him.....she looses part of her past and her parents again. Her children will not know her parents through her H's eyes--if it is not him. It has to be him. She has to hang on to him and not lose him! She left him before thinking this through and now she is really afraid that she screwed up and it's too late. Everything she says makes him mad and she doesn't know why. Why is he so mad at her when he was the one that played with old girlfriend? Didn't Christa have a right to leave him? Yes! But.....then she starts thinking about his link to her past. They have a history together. He had a history with her family and that is very important to her future.

Hummmm........am I anywhere close here?

Well, so much for tonight. I'll let you ponder on these things. When is your next appointment with your therapist or psychiatrist?

Are you feeling better health wise today/tonight? You know, I don't think I have ever asked anyone as many questions as I have you! I would ask you what you thought about that, but then it would be another question...lol.

I know this turns FG inside out....lol. But we can laugh. You have a wonderful sense of humor, sweetie, and I hope you will hold tight to that. It will get you through this "crazy mess". That and God! Don't give up.

Oh, about AmyC......she is a tough nut to crack! She was one of the two main people that really saved my M! I had a lot of others to join in, but that gal really came across to help me. Opened my eyes and got my head on straight. You would like her a lot. She was about ready to give up......but I think she is ready to stand......again.

We'll talk later.

Love,
Sandi

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!