Really upside down #2

[upside_downer]

Hi My computer just got back online and wanted to see how you are doing. I'm so proud of you that you didn't bite the bait and let her go to the wedding alone without sacrificing your dignity or saying anything you would regret.

What did you mean about not taking the bait and letting her go to the wedding alone without sacrificing my dignity? I feel totally humiliated that, despite that her cousin's H doesn't want me there, neither does she. Then she tries to make it sound like "oh poor me, I'll be there all alone, and that will be uncomfortable, too." That's what I don't get. Be proud that you are bringing your H despite the awkwardness. But that isn't the case....everyone else is more important than me now.

As far as the wedding albumn it's great that she wants to have it because then maybe it will bring back some feelings for her.

This is where my stupid brain kicks in and tries to figure it out. And many times, that is when I start to ask her questions, which then leads down the same path....but still.....WHY would she want to see it? I'm so convinced that there is nothing. I base it on things she said and I know "believe nothing etc...." but her actions meet her words. I'm so scared!!!!

UD,

Glad you can see the inconsistency that your wife talks about.

Ponder the fact that right now it could very well be the uncertainty brought about by your up and down nature that is keeping your wife from engaging more with you.

That is exactly what keeps her from engaging. I just don't know how to break free from it. I guess I try, then get discouraged because she is so short and snippy with me. She shows no interest.

There are times when conversations with you are safe.

There are times they are not.

You text and email and call.

Then tell her you want to limit contact.

It would confuse me to be honest.

This is definitely something for you to be working on.


Bill

That's what I feel, too. This is the biggest and first thing I'm going to work on. I know why I said I wanted to limit contact. My C had said "you should probably only see her and talk to her 1 time a week. It was her decision to move out, and going along with what you read on DB, and not initiating, etc, your best bet is to let her set the tone."

I took it one step further and proclaimed to her that this is what should be happening because she chose it, etc. It was me on a soapbox. She was listening, and analyzing it. That is why she throws these things back at me when I don't expect it.