Losing, in a curious way, is winning.

[Forrest Gump]

And by take to your corners do you mean in the boxing ring?

Not really. But.. you just may have made my case more clear.

Because that is usually where we go when communications break down. That is harmful to the R., feeds my fears & I pull further & further away, makes him feel like a failure so he pushes harder to 'fix it'. ugg...

Because the communication.. becomes a fight. Fair enough. You walked into it thinking it would be a fight.. right? Gotta get your "gumption" up. It is that second guessing.. that expectation.. that gets you. You may walk into this.. whole communication thing.. with your gloves up. You gotta expect some fight will come your way. You don't want the fight.. It makes you WA. Leaves you feeling.. exactly the way you thought you would.

"Corners"

I like the preparing part.. get ready for battle. The thing most people miss is the "faking out" that comes from the "corner dance".. Some people sit.. some people dance around.. some people turn their backs. The other side can't see the preparation that came from knowing their opponent. That guy standing in the corner knows every move the other guy can make.. and is prepared to counteract what he knows is coming.

In RL we can't act like that.. we can be prepared.. but not for the fight. We need to be prepared to shut the fight down. I fail at it to. I don't always get it right. I expect you will to.

You are on the right track.

or do you mean let it break down and go "opps!! We need to take a break come back when we can do it better" ??

There is no "opps" to it.. you know it is going to break.. so that leaves us with...

We need to take a break come back when we can do it better.

Right here.. is where things need to change. Hence the little "pocket trick" I suggested.

I'm supposed to make the changes that are good for me, doing what I need to do that is healthy for me, with the intentions of making us both happy??

Is that what you want.. For both of you to be happy?

This is a walk of you.. I understand that.. and I don't want to take away from it. But.. if you want "things" to be better.. then YES.. 110% to the question you just asked me. And I get to use my catch phrase.. You posted.. you got my vote. Thats all that matters.

If that is what you are saying, then as someone who is struggling with co-dependent issues.. that is a very narrow line for me to walk. I'm getting better, but I know I'm not there yet.

How fine is the line I am walking now.. with you? Trust me.. I am applying myself.

You don't need him to be the best you can be. You want him to see the best you can be. Am I wrong?

I'm supposed to work on me for the good of the R and hope he runs along behind working on himself??

Is this not a somewhat redundant question. If he can see the best in you.. would he not follow? And if he did not.. what did you loose? What if he already knows you are the best.

Sorry if I'm being dense here.. I'm seeing a glimmer of light of understanding with this after thinking about it for a few days since you posted it. Just asking for some more clarification.

I knew you were a thinker. I am too. I think about stuff all the time.. it gets out of control at times. The thing you may not have seen was.. I did not push the issue.. I waited for you to come to me. I knew that one day.. we would talk. I made sure that I was on solid ground... and made my approach. I did not know what you would say.. I just knew "something" would happen.


You are smart.. and yet cautious.

Sometimes you think too far ahead.

If you lead a bit.. I think he will follow you.