First Month of Separation, No Hope

[LostPhil]

Breath Mycoft. Clear your mind.

[mycroft69]

Living without her. Knowing that it's probably certain that she cheated on me from the beginning of our marriage. Knowing that we will never be married again. Looking ahead of me and seeing a blank wall. Feeling this pain every minute, EVEN WHEN I'M ASLEEP, for heavens sake! Do you know how many nightmares I've been having?? I had another last night!

Almighty Lord, please make me wrong. Please let it be my judgment being scuttled by this devastation. Please, O God!

[mycroft69]

I even cried in worship yesterday, in front of other people! I'm going to get myself ejected from the church.

[LostPhil]

Ejected from church for crying, nonsense.

All I do is cry in Church. I try to hold it in, because I do not want others to have pity for me. Do you know how hard it is to usher and not shed a tear. I usually keep myself together and then at the end of Mass I go and pray in quiet. When everyone leaves.

Stop thinking about something in the past you do not even have proof of. You have no control of what she does.

Nightmares. Yes I had them, and I still have them. I wake up in the middle of the night and my head would race wondering where she was. I just knew she wasn't there. My kids were not there. I had to sleep clenching my rosary for weeks.

It will get better.

Pull yourself together.

[mycroft69]

Good Lord above, Phil. I didn't know you'd been there and farther.

I've been taking the max dose on the Lorzapam, and still woke right up from a nightmare at 4:00 and couldn't get back to sleep again.

I can't even sleep in the dark, with all noise turned off any more. I have to at least leave the TV on for the voices.

[LostPhil]

mycroft,

You know what worked for me. War movies. They show real suffering that doesn't even compare what we going through.

Civilians and soldiers during WW2 went through hell and some of there stories are far worse than anything you are going through now.

Being next to you best buddy and watching him die. A wife on the civilian line hoping she doesn't receive a telegram. A mother with her four children off to war.


M- Your grandfather never came back.
S- Don't worry about me, Mother.


S-I want to help France.
I can't stay here.

M-I prefer the worst poverty
to losing you.

S-You have endured much worse.

S-Please, let me go.
It will be all right, Mother.

S-Pray for me.

(They Hug)

[mycroft69]

My problem is I have limited resources; dancing on the totally broke line every week. So I have stripped down dish. No frills. No locals. 26 channels. But I get 5 religious networks.

Call me a fool or out of my mind. I've been reading the Bible several hours a day. Plus, those networks. I'm hoping for something, anything, from God where He will speak to me. I wish He would just touch my hand. I don't want to be left alone without Him any more.

[mycroft69]

I had a talk with an old friend. I'm sorry I manipulated so much of everyone's attention, like a lost kid. I hope all of you can forgive me.

[sgctxok]

oh please...we've all been lost. we've all been through a lot of pain.

And the very best of the best of folks with hearts that love and care over and over again are here to share them with you.....and welcome you to the best of the best of hearts

[sgctxok]

btw please start a new thread.