Lost, it is quite alright to be short and resentful...I've been posting with several people in your position (being HD with a LD spouse) here and on other forums for quite a while now, and so I do understand that. The resentment is normal. (Also, being that you haven't had sex since January, well, yeah, that's gonna create some tension, isn't it?)
YES the sex and intimacy does matter, of course. I was just trying to get a gauge on your situation and what your wife may be feeling or thinking.
So I will just cut to the chase...basicall your wife is not going to just wake up one day and want sex again. I know most HD spouses are just wishing for that day to come, but I'm going to tell you to stop waiting for that day. You need to make a choice, can I live like this or not? How much longer? Do I need to make an exit plan, or am I willing to "try" if she is willing to agree to a full-fledged effort?
Have you asked yourself these questions yet?
I know you are probably just now beginning to see that it might actually go down that road. Many HD spouses don't really believe this could end up being their lives, and they ignore it for many years before really trying to tackle the problem. By then, it is many times too late. But not always. Sometimes it is not too late. If you hope it is not too late for you, there are many things for you to try...
But the biggest thing you are going to have to realize is this: if you are willing to put in the effort to do this (save your marriage and change it from being sex starved to being satisfying) then it is going to take more time, courage, growth and strength than you have ever put into anything before. Is your marriage and your wife worth more to you than you have put into college? More to you than you have put into your career? More to you than you have put into any exercise program, etc? This is the real bottom line, the one that most people don't like to find out about. The fact is, it will not be an easy "oh gee, we have lots of sex now" type of venture. It will be a long, difficult, and painful venture. But the rewards, if you are successful, will be MORE rewarding than you can possibly imagine.
Are you willing to put in more work than you've ever thought you would have to do?
