The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
When the student is ready the teacher will appear, so my yoga teacher tells me.
This is maybe not your time to be ready. Actually not sure you can make wrong choices. Making a choice is courageous and even if you feel it is the wrong one look upon it as having taken the scenic route and it will eventually lead you back to the right path.
This teacher recommends a glass of wine and an early night. Sleep well.
You can be angry with me. It really is not a problem. But I am glad to hear you finally admit you are stuck. And I seriously hope you won't be stuck forever because that would be such a waste. And all I have ever wanted to see from you is that you get out of your cocoon (a cocoon in which many who profess to care about you seem happy to see you stay in) and be the beautiful butterfly I know you can be.
Sit beside me and rant and scream. I backslid right back to the beginning today. After so many months of not even seeing my H I blew it when I did today. I fell right into his trap.
When we have exhausted ourselves with all the screaming maybe we will feel ready to move on a little further. If we don't we won't.
Just like nobody can hurry along our WASs journey nobody can hurry along ours.
Take care
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Last night I was thinking about what IMP said. Just let go already, or get over it already, something like that.
I kept saying to myself damn, I have let go so much, BUT.........
and i have detached so much BUT............
So I tried to zero in on what EXACTLY is keeping that BUT there.
And It is when X's actions hurts my kids.
I am stuck. I guess. When they hurt I hurt.
I have to find ways to detach from that too I guess.
I know that IMP has your best interest at heart.
I rememeber hearing things from him early on, and I would get sooo mad. I used to hear things from Happy, Oldtimer, and so many others and I would be like WTF are they talking about where do they get off?
And I can honestly say, everything they ever told me was sooo right. How can it not be? It is being the best you , you can be.
If I would of listened long ago, I would of saved myself much ranting and raving.
I guess my hard headed butt had to get to it in my time.
Just as you will get thru whatever you need to in your time. But just know that your time takes action on your part as well.
I do believe that you need to see your wonderful self thru your OWN eyes and not your H's.
He has no ownership in your happiness, he has no ownership in your wonderful life, he has no ownership in your anger.
It is all YOU!
God is with you every step of the way Sugar!
Live Simply Love Generously Care Deeply Speak Kindly Leave the rest to God
I didn't read all the other responses so I apologize if I am being repetitive here. I have two things to say and one or both will probably put a target on my back to some people. However, here goes.
Cinders, I am so glad to hear that you no longer find it necessary to apologize if you don't agree with people. First, IMP and Happy, I find it amazing that you hurl hurtful comments to people all the time and let someone say something you consider mean to you and you both jump. What you did worked for YOU it does not mean that in belongs in the book of the only right thing to do. I understand that you might actually be coming from a place of attempting to be helpful but you come across as being a know-it-all and it is just plain not helpful in this situation. Secondly, men and woman process things very differently. All research tells us that men feel they must do something (in other words, they have to put something into action to solve a problem). Women are talkers in order to process and find the right solution, they need to talk it over, vent, and feel heard. You can't push your way of doing things on us...it won't work the same. So accept that your opinions will be listened to and added to the others and mulled over and talked about before you will see any action. So try not to be so pushy with your opinions.
Cinders, you will be fine, your choices are not always wrong, I have watched you evolve and I am envious of your patience and ability to see things of more than one angle.
Last edited by ANewMe; 07/28/0810:27 PM.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
What you did worked for YOU it does not mean that in belongs in the book of the only right thing to do.
To be honest, what worked for me was exactly what worked for every single person I spoke and had gone through what I had gone through or other difficult circumstances, man or woman. And the right thing to do is different for every person but the process of doing it was the same. And the process was not confined to the difficulties that all of us here have encountered but it was a global thing that would work in any situation. While I can't give you the names of the people with whom I conversed, I can certainly give you a number of book titles in which I learned the process, the first being Divorce Busting.
