The Wifey - trying hard not to cry.

[poet]

Wifey,


EDITED - personal contact information is NOT ALLOWED.

hugs,
s

[ndsmhelp]

Ummm, I am going to guess no on that....and remember you are giving out your number to anyone that happens to stop in on the sight, not just registered members or "friends" that you are conversing with.

Not that there are any controls or safe guards in the registration process either.

[Ready2Change]

...some guy said, "Woman you are looking fine. You are beautiful and sexy!" as he walked by. A younger me would have said back off, buddy, but the 41 year old me just said, "Thanks!" I wish I could have recorded it to play whenever I have a down day.

You did record it (in your head)! Keep track of these "good things" that happen in your every day life. I can make myself smile anytime by thinking of these "nice things". All the little things add up, do not disregard them....

[Ready2Change]

Wifey,

Do you have kids?? (don't see them listed in tagline)

Why H come home??

[The Wifey]

I think I had S19 listed at one point. He's having a hard time with all of this. Thinks I'm not standing up for myself and his dad is treating me bad. They had words last week and it made an already strained relationship between he and his father much worse.

A little journaling. I was looking to hide a love note in my h's car this morning and came across condoms. I was totally floored. I ended up calling him right after he arrived at work with the motorcycle and told him what I found. I told him I couldn't think of any good reason why he would have condoms in his car.

He was surprised out of the blue, but I think he was honest with me that he'd put them in the car just before we went on vacation. That he had not had or planned to have sex with another woman, and didn't have them there just in case the opportunity presented itself.

He knows how deeply I am against affairs and how badly it would hurt me. He wasn't angry with me for calling and understood why I would ask.

I felt a bit angry, for the very first time. I thought he'd lied to me or was planning for just in case. Now I feel a little numb. I feel a little drained, actually.

((Ready 2 change)) I don't really know why he came home. He said it was because I said he could be in the house and I would give him space, and because we'd had some really nice weekend visits while he was away. Of course, he also told his friends that the L advised him to be in the house. So, you know, I think it could be either or both.

I had a good IC session last night. It is nice to have a C that tells you how you are feeling is perfectly understandable under the circumstances. We are working now on my coping skills and recognizing the early signs of a melt-down so I can implement a GAL thing to interrupt and prevent them.

She doesn't believe I should give up and I don't either. She let me borrow Michelle's book "How to get through to the man you love" and I lent her "Divorce Busting." I told her I think it would be helpful for me for her to be familiar with it. (Ordered divorce rememedy and the keeping love alive cd set last night.)

[Neilh23]

Kjo-

you have a choice. Believe him and feel better. DOubt his honesty and get angry. Which will make you happier?

think of it that way.

this whole experience is draining....you found this place early on. it took me 3 months to find this place and the DR book. You know how hard it is for me to not ask her to read one of the books i've read.....all of them say that you must act before you feel....act lovingly, and the feelings will come back.

you're doing great. what's your goal for today?

[The Wifey]

My goal today is to go fishing. I found out the little store in my town sells bait when I stopped and bought myself an ice cream cone on the way home last night.

Actually, I do believe him. I am amazed that I stayed so calm when I asked him about it. I didn't panic or cry or break down. A month ago it would have been a different story. After we talked he asked if I was ok. I said I'm ok, and I really was.

Maybe, maybe just maybe I'm doing this right. I'm still glad I asked, because had I found them and not asked I would have mistrusted him for a long time.

Do you ever leave your books lying around that you hope she would read? My husband knows I've been reading, and some are around, but he shows no interest in reading them. I actually think he might glance at them when I'm not around, or maybe I hope.

[Neilh23]

they are on my bookshelves, which are out in the open. She saw one of my books "building self confidence for dummies" and said i didn't need any self confidence. i don't know if she would read them....and i'm not really in any position to ask her to. Yet anyways. Someday. and it's good to hope

good plan.

[The Wifey]

What is your plan today? I hope everyone makes a plan every morning. It is the only thing that will help us cope.

That was the word my counselor used, coping. In my situation, she sees me being in limbo, because my husband wants his space at times, but he also has times when he wants to be with me and hug and cuddle and spend time.

We talked a lot about reading him when he comes home and what he needs at any particular time. I want to know when he wants me close and be able to divert myself when he needs the space. Partly I need to keep busy and not just be waiting around, of course GAL. Yet she can see how he needs me to be there when he feels he needs closeness.

Interesting that she picked that up in telling her about our times together. Its what I see and feel also. He wants space, but at other times he needs to know I'm there.

For a long time he could only count on me being busy and not being there most of the time. That is what I learned and am trying to change.

At the same time I am looking to be stronger and better able to cope. I really have no reason to be so afraid all the time. I can be ok and not afraid. Its very empowering to know that alone isn't such a bad place.

This weekend, I think I'm going to go camping again. It will be at the same camp where my mom & dad and sister & bil are at. Still, it will be camping. Yes, that is exactly what I'm going to do.

[Kenny]

Just thought I would drop in here.

My books have all been lying about too but in a way I think w was too pressured by their prescence. She doesnt want to try and hates that I might be right. I did ask her to read some stuff but it didn't last long.

As soon as she got to a bit that contradicted her current feelings then she would give up and get angry.

If their feelings change / soften then they might read but only when they are ready and then only at their own pace. I made the mistake of asking too much as they really helped me and like a DAM wanted to fix things.

Keep Hoping for the best though.