Hopefully one of our veteran SSM experts, Bagheera, will chime in soon and help us steer you as much as is possible...
When you say if not for the girls you would already be gone, and your wife knows this, I have to ask....does this mean you are not in love with your wife anymore? Do you not feel connected to her at all? I am sorry if you feel you have already made this clear in your post, but it isn't quite clear to me. So straight up - do you still LOVE your wife and still feel in love with her?
The answer to this question does of course affect all other outcomes.
