losing sunshine but gaining happiness either way

[LosingSunshine]

Happy Monday (((Stubby)))!!! Is my PMA showing

But just to vent may I say the terms "convert" and "lifestyle" are repulsive to me. I am not a Presbeterian thinking about becoming a Jew and as to lifestyle??? You mean like having a career, paying taxes and having children? Yeah, that's my "lifestyle" and I'd venture to say it doesn't differ from Sandi's very darn much. And my spouse is cheating on me, breaking her commitments and it hurts like hell. Some lifestyle.

Go ahead and vent. I have no problem with that. Heck, we are all here to learn, move forward and become better people in the process.

Most people who get involved with people whom they KNOW are married are NOT TOO HEALTHY EMOTIONALLY. And when they don't have children they can lack a certain empathy for the way that changes commitment. Now, about women: as you probably know it's more about emotion and connectedness than sex. Some people would call it passion (I'd call it immaturity).

What I have found interesting are the lies I am uncovering. I finally got my online access to my cell acct and have been looking at the texting that my W did prior to removing her phone from my acct 2 1/2 weeks ago. Her and OW started texting regularly (read alot) towards the end of the week before my sitch began. For the month that I have records for, it's about 1000 txts between them. Wow! Wonder if my L will subpeona the actual msgs

I do believe that the OW is not quite with it and has no comprehension of what the reality of the sitch is. So, I guess the issue I am dealing with is if I don't confront OW more than I already have (I believe they think I am suspicous now), how do I break the emotional connectedness. My L will slap me if I confront OW and I don't really want to. How can I DB this sitch passively I guess is the question?

On the one hand it's the zebra thing: it don't matter who she's cheating with, she's cheating. On the other, since it's a woman and we know women are about emotional connection that gives you a headstart on understanding what W finds attractive about OW. This provides you a potential strategy for bringing your wife back toward you. As to how to implement that? Not sure. I'll think on it today.

Any thoughts you have here will be greatly appreciated. The only things I can think of revolve around outing the EA to Ws parents and friends from back home, confronting the OW etc...and quite frankly, I am scared to do any of that. She's never home and I do take advantage of every opportunity I can to communicate and validate her thoughts. Not lost here but been focused too much on the business end of the sitch and not so much on the DB end and could use some advice to get me back on track.

I think it may be important to play a certain kind of stoic hardball when it comes to the kids. You know your wife is ACOA and not working toward curing those past hurts. In fact she's out building up a new set of hurts for everyone. So is she the best person for them right now? No. Do everything you can to take care of the kids and if need be, protect them from their mother. Them being around OW is not good, and not because she's lesbian, because she's such a whack job that she's involved with a married woman. If she were a man it would still be wrong for your wife to have the kids around him...(confusing sentence but it boils down to ZEBRA and the kids should NOT be spending time with the zebra).

Hardball and a dose of reality might be kicking in this week since she wants to move out ASAP and take the kids. I am waiting to hear back from my L regarding the 2nd clause of the temp restraing order (distrubing the peace) and see if this would be a violation. If not, I might have to have one issued

Also, in the court guidelines it pretty much states that they frown upon exposing children too early to new relationships. I guess another ding.

Now, our non R/moving out/sitch conversations are very pleasant when she's not an emotional wreck. That happened Friday night and carried over on Saturday am when we talked. My guess is she'll be a wreck once she remembers her 4D birthday on Thursday. What a f'ing wreck.

and have you touched your wife lately? Remember her "friend" probably showed her friendship by gentle touching (Sandi wasn't completely off base in her description of tender "sympathy")
Your wife needs to know that you would touch her outside of sex (of course you would but this is not someone who is thinking clearly) She needs to remember that you have a whole "relationship" based on mutual affection and a family in common. Your wife has probably even used the trite phrase "we can be friends" (WTF? Do ya screw your friends over? but...anyway)).

Short answer is no. Should I?

I'll post more later. I have a meeting to call into.

Chris