Hi again Lost...welcome to this section of the forum. You will likely continue to get advice on your other thread in newcomers as well as here, but as I said over there, your post will "disappear" rather quickly in newcomers and go onto older pages where people don't really dig up older posts.
Anyway...thank you for the answer to my questions on your other post.
Lost, I do understand your emotions about this matter. You can go to my screen name, and then click "view posts". Then you will get a list of every post I've created, but if you go to the "new here, getting acquainted" post, you can read my long boring story if you want background on "who" is giving you advice. I don't think my background is relevant to your situation specifically....except these parts:
I was in a SSM.
We are divorced now.
I wish I could have done it differently and I now have many regrets.
That's the short version!
Anyway, Lost, one of the first and most difficult things to learn for an HD spouse is that their LD spouse is not really doing this to you "on purpose".
When you said in your response to my questions that the fact that she has left the book unread for this long makes you realize how low of a priority she places on your marriage...well, this is totally normal for the HD spouse to feel...but it just isn't true. It may seem logical to you, but your LD wife has no idea that she is giving you that message. Please for now, just believe that. I know your mind doesn't want to believe it, but it IS true and in the long run you will come to believe it. You will save yourself from a lot of struggling if you will right now, just accept that your wife has NO CLUE how you are taking her rejection.
At this point, you are going to have to make a choice, and the choice is this:
Do you really want to fix this problem in your marriage, or are you willing to stand by and allow it to remain the same forever?
And once you make that choice, people can advise you much better.
So...as you may have already guessed, in order to make that choice, you will have to also make a stand...and that will mean basically an ultimatum.
The sad news is that if you are not willig to make that ultimatum, you will likely never fix your SSM and you may end up divorced anyway....because the years will take such a toll on you and your W that it will probably come of its own.
Stick around and keep reading and learning. The other guys here who are in your shoes will help you a LOT.
