I'm new here. I was debating on whether to post in 'Newcomers' or in the 'Sex-Starved Marriage' forum, but there does not seem to be much activity over there.
A little background. My wife and I have been married for almost 7 years and together a total of 9. I'm 38, she is 33. We have 2 children - girls, ages 5 and 3. We are both on our 2nd marriages. Her's was short, mine lasted just over 7 years - no children from previous marriages.
As the usual story goes, things were good between us early on in the marriage or so it seemed. There seemed to be a healthy appetite for intimacy from both parties. After first daughter was born, things slowly tapered off but was still at an acceptable level. After 2nd daughter was born, intimacy has been pretty much nil. About a year ago, things finally boiled over in a heated exchange and I got - "I don't like sex and it's not you. I've never liked it even before you and could really care less if I ever have it again." Nice. Back before the kids were born, it sure didn't seem that way but who am I to tell her how she feels. This really would have been something nice to know long before a marriage and 2 kids later to find out. Not that I regret having my two girls, but this revelation puts things into a difficult spot.
I was ready then for a divorce from her but could not stand the thought of breaking up the family and the effect that it would have on our children. We are not very financially stable and with Michigan's economy, we pretty much live paycheck to paycheck. A divorce would be difficult on us financially, as would a separation. I purchased Michelle's books - DR, DB, and SSM and began practicing the techniques. This was last July. Things did not immediately get better. I had earlier expressed the emotional hurt that lack of intimacy had on me, she in turn expressed how she felt pressured by me into sex. She didn't want to be close to me because she felt that any physical touch would lead to sex. After that, I backed away and respected her feelings. I would occasionally give her hugs, but most of the time I would let her initiate contact so as not to make her feel 'pressured.' She seemed to respect that I was giving her space and respecting her feelings. Some intimacy returned towards the end of last year. Awkward at first, especially due to her 'never having liked sex' comment. Was she re-writing history with that comment or has she never really liked sex? Her actions toward the end of last year appeared to me that maybe she was re-writing history with her comment because things started to seem good again and she seemed to be enjoying sex....much like she seemed before our first child.
Something happened in January of this year that changed that. It was during an intimate moment when she said, "You better hurry up and finish before the kids wake up and want to come into bed with us." I just really felt then, that the month or so leading up to this night had just been an act. I stopped right then with what I was doing and rolled over to go to sleep. Shortly after that, one of the girls did wake up and come into bed with us....I guess in my wife's mind, this only proved her point. Since then, I have not initiated anything, sex, hugs, kisses, calling her during the day...nothing. She'll call me, she'll give me hugs or kisses and she goes about her way as if everything is ok even though we have not been intimate since that night in January.
I'm hoping someone has some words of wisdom for me for some 'reverse' divorce busting, because right now I've basically just dropped the rope and awaiting the marriage to die of natural causes.
