If she does have those thoughts, they are completely in the subconscious. I agree w/ you that there is NO way she's allowing these to come into her conscious thoughts right now.
As for her actions being attractive, no they are not. I know I still love her deeply, but I'm in love w/ the woman she was. That is the one I miss. I guess I still believe that woman is still in there somewhere. I'll wait for that woman to come out for now, but I'm not sure how much more I'll be able to withstand.
Her attacks hurt and sting, but they haven't yet hardened my heart - and I'm not sure I understand why this hasn't occurred.
