I have four children--all under 14 and I talked to them about restoring my maiden name long before the D was to be final. At first they weren't crazy about the idea, but after a while, after they got used to the new living arrangements and the idea of a divorce, it became less important to them and they began to understand. I kept the lines of communication open with them about it and brought it up for a year before it became a reality. When the big day came the lawyer asked me if I would be changing my name (it is free and easy when you go through the D) and, having not decided completely yet, I just said "yes" and it was done. No fuss, no muss.
I have never regretted it. My kids even sometimes tell me they think of themselves as having my last name too and incorporate it when introducing themselves to people. I may even get it changed for them so they have a hyphenated name to represent both their mom and dad. Don't know what XH will think of that, but he's pretty laissez faire about those kinds of things. We'll see.
I was known professionally by my H's last name so it has taken some doing to make the transition to my maiden name (which, by the way, I like a lot better). I'm still in past publications and many other things as Mrs XH, but as time goes on, I am getting out there as Miss Maiden Name. It will take a while, but change is part of life. One thing I've learned is nothing ever stays the same so no point fighting against the current! I've had to explain I got divorced and not married several times, but it's no biggie.
For me it has been liberating and one more piece in the puzzle to becoming "me" again.
Children, when loved, respected and communicated with, will be able to understand and respect your decisions. It's when we do not communicate and explain things to our children that they get confused and resentful so as long as you handle it with care and consideration, your daughter will be cool with it.
