Pam have you thought about asking him what he wants? i say this only because to me it sounds as if he needs a shove in the right direction and he is almost like a scared little kid and needs some direction. i also think that the fact that he still wants you in his life shows you that this relationship is not over. let me ask you something and be honest. if you did not feel good about completely letting him go and to stay away from the house, then why did you do it? as idiotic as it sounds only you can make your own decisions and only you know in your heart what the right thing is for your life. so what if you both putter along for a bit longer there is no time line or specific date that he has to be back for. no of course this is my personal opinion but I really do beleive from what you have said that this may not have been the absolute best choice for you, but i also think you made this choice because you are so emotionally spent and just wanted to have him hurry up and make a choice. you sound like a very level headed woman and the words you use in your post to describe your husband show how much you really do love him. please dont allow any anger or bitterness to take root as you have done so well and have come so far. trust God to help you to continue this journey with the same love and grace you have had towards your husband so far. it is good to establish boundaries and it is good to have zero expectaions but if you also make things to be so unattainable and hard to reach you may end up with regrets. Pam, love never fails.
I have a question for you, mainly for the ladies that post here as so many of you seem to be stuck or second guessing yourselves. So if you knew 100% that your husbands were absolutely not going to come home ever how would you change your lives>?what would you do right now to make yourself happy and to feel complete WITHOUT jumping into another relationship? what goals would you make and what changes would you make?
I think knowing would help with closure, instead of being in limbo. I would know for sure that he's not coming back and I would be on my own with D from then on. It's the guessing "is he, isn't he" that's killing me.
Dar try thinking outside the box. a life without your husband. not talking about divorce I am talking about your life. your husband is not your whole life is he? HOW WOULD YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE
I'm living it Happy. I feel like there's just not enough time in a day to do everything to really really live though. I've got to be mom, employee, mom again at night with making dinner, bathtime, bedtime, etc. And still need to squeeze me time in there to live my life. I'm in an anger stage though from dropping the rope, so I might not be too helpful. Just thought H was honestly going to want to work this out and he hasn't made the attempt to really do so yet. So anyway, living life....I'd work out every other day, play more with D7, get out, have fun, talk more walks, less couch time. Things like that.
and what is stopping you other then your self? why cant you do any of the things you talk about? why cant you live your life without any expectations of his coming back home? what are you so afraid of?
I think I'm getting better at doing things. I've recently (like yesterday) let it go. So now I can do all that I'd like to do. I'm just angry that I'm the one to make the choice to let go. I'll be improving though, you'll see.
