In search of ButterflyMom and Favoriteweirdo......

[favoriteweirdo]

TCBTE - Seriously, you need not ask permission from me (and I am positive I am speaking for BFM, also) as to whether or not you can add anything or do something. This is your life. My comments/edits are in red below. I have put a strike-through over the parts I feel are unnecessary.

Somewhat of a diclaimer follows: I am not your H and I do not know what he was thinking, is thinking or what he will think. Take my edits as suggestions only. For that matter, as I have said many times on here, my opinion is mine and mine alone. I give it almost exclusively to those who ask for it rather than random posts to everyone and anyone b/c I think I have the answers. I do not think I have the all of the answers. Our journeys are as unique as the different lives we lead. I can simply give you my viewpoint from my own journey and how it affected me and my family. I do have the blessing of hindsight (still very fresh) and I do know what worked for BFM and I. Our journey has just begun. Piecing/reconciliation is hard work, period. I suspect that many WAS recognize just how hard the road to reconciliation will be, thus they avoid it...

I do feel a letter given to him to read on his own without pressure is the way to go. If you are there, you will likely interject eveything you have deleted (plus some) when he gets defensive... He will read it. If it is well written and factual (not accusatory and full of emotion), he will likely read it again and again.

Remember - The only person you can control is YOU. Do what is right for YOU and your children. Your H has his own road to travel. Pray. God will lead you through this (no matter how it turns out) if you let Him.

This is a very difficult letter to write. He knows this. I have agonized over the right thing to do for months, I have attempted to get you to talk to me, but have failed, argumentative and I keep coming back to the need to write this. I know that at this point I take the risk of pushing you away forever, but I know if there is a possibility of having a future together, I have to write this letter.


I know that take responsibility for my part in the failings of our relationship. has never been perfect. I know that we are both to blame for that. I have been willing to take more than my share of the blame, because I know that I have a lot of deficiencies when it comes to communication, and I have made a lot of mistakes. Despite not being perfectmy mistakes, I have always loved you. The love that I feel in my heart, is the kind of love that is so deep a part of me that I feel that you are a part of me. I have failed to express my love in many ways. I have failed at making you understand or appreciate my love for you. For that I am deeply sorry.

I have done a lot of self examination over the last two years, and identified a lot of faults that I have. Faults that I am working on fixing for me to be a better person. I have come to an understanding about what is important to me. I know that I have to be happy with myself, and that, as well as the happiness of our children, is my priority at this point.

I don't know how involved you were with OW when I made that accusation two years ago, but I know there was something there. It was something I felt in my gut. Over the past two years, I could feel it as felt you pulled away from me. I also know that whatever it was then has evolved into have now confirmed your a relationship with OW. Subsequent to finding out, I know that she has recently divorced her husband. I know that she and has two children of her own to raise.

I am writing this letter because I know if we can ever have a future together, you need to know that I know about OW, and that I know at least some of the issues that you are facing nowtoo subjective. I am also writing to let you know that I still believe that we can get through this, and I am prepared to do the work.

I have had problems dealing with scheduling time with the kids. for a lot of reasons, knowing and avoiding the need to write this letter was one of them. I will not change my attitude regarding them or their well-being----they need us both, and with your help, I will work to find a schedule that will work for us both. I do not intend to broadcast to the world what I know, and haven't, with respect for our children.

I would like to ask that you tell me if you plan to expose our children to OW and her family. I do not want them to feel like they have to keep secrets from me.

Sounds okay to me. I really feel this discussion is probably best left for another time after he KNOWS that you know the truth.

I am praying for you, your children and your H.

FW