Im done.

[karen43]

I saw someone said that the best revenge for a woman who steals another womans H is to let her have him.

I love this!!! I hadn't heard that before but funny & true!!!

But I am doing some stellar DBing, I dropped the rope, havent communicated with him at all (and dont really want to!), GALing, Ive become a much more exciting, interesting person, I guess I can thank him for that. Im not sure that I consider it DBing anymore, I am much to good for him, if he claims that he wants to come home hes going to have to work really hard at it. I really can do better than the lying sack of sh*t he has chosen to become, and I would like to settle in and just get to being ok on my own, I am feeling more independent than ever, and I LIKE it!

That is exactly how I'm feeling too! You sound like you're in such a great place now--you must be so proud of yourself!!! The Wildlife Trooper job sounds awesome. Yeah, one door closes (maybe just for a short time), but I guess new doors open up and can take us to even better places. And I'm so jealous you live in Alaska (the opposite of where I live). It's 100 degrees all the time here in summer-yuck!!! Karen

[runningoutoftime]

Gals you MUST read "Revenge Of The Middle Aged Woman" by Elizabeth Buchan, and a related book (the next part to this story) "Wives Behaving Badly." The revenge theme you are talking about is played out in these books. The first wife is completely devistated when her young assistant steals her H., but she ends up pulling through and creating a great life. In the second book the OW ends up realizing that what she got wasn't a treasure... I won't say much more... you've got to read it!!!

Bluerain, you are young and don't have children. If I were in your shoes, I would definitely be very hesitant about reconciliation. I think DBing for you is about GALing, healing, and moving on. The things you learn you will be able to bring into future relationships.

But it sounds like you already know that. Smart girl!

P.s. I believe guys still heavily outnumber women in Alaska... Yeeeeeah!!!!

[bluerain]

oh yeah, we say the odds are good, but the goods are odd! There are 4 men for every woman in Ak, and this is sooo true. I went to karaoke last night and got asked out on a date! I didnt accept it, but it was a great ego boost.

I started packing his stuff and moving it down to the garage. I have everything out of the bedroom but his dresser and gun cabinet, I think Ill keep the gun cabinet, and I cant move the dresser by myself. But its nice to look around my room and not see him in there anymore. There are still books and things that I need to move, and Im going to have to go through our filing, but Im not sure what I should keep and what I should give him.

I want to change the locks on everything but the garage door, then he would be able to get into the garage, so he could get his crap, but not the house. I asked him not to come here without telling me and he said that he would. But then he came out without telling me (and took my $400 tent!) grrr. It was OUR tent, but he should have asked me, he took the tent and his dress suit (Ok?). So far everything is amicable, but hes disrespecting my boundaries, as if he hasnt disrespected me enough, and it pisses me off. I feel like changing the locks will cause quite a backlash, so Im not sure.

[karen43]

I think you should change the locks asap. First of all, he disrespected you and your boundaries when he did that. Plus you need to do it if you don't want anything else to "disappear" from the house so for self-protection. He's proven he's not trustworthy. I wouldn't worry about his reaction so much--you're just doing what you need to protect yourself and your possessions which is important! Karen

[bluerain]

I told him that I packed all of his stuff from the bedroom and it was in the garage waiting for him, so hes not speaking to me anymore. I told him that I was writing myself a check from his account so I could buy dog food, and we chatted a little, just by text messaging, but when I said that I had done that he stopped. I like to think that he was pouting. But I dont know. It doesnt matter I guess.

[Frank V]

Keep it up Blue. Change those locks!

You will always have friends here Blue.

I honestly would never live in Alaska...with so few women up there and so many men it would be nearly impossible to trust your wife. And you can't trust the MEN either since there are so few single women around they would end up chasing after the married women for lack of a moral alternative.

Its pretty disgusting to think that your spouse wants TWO. ICK. How selfish can you get.

Anyhow, you call call us anytime, drop me a private message if you need my number. You are NEVER alone here.

[bluerain]

This week I am going out in the field for a few days. I have to go out to a remote location to do some work with whales. (yay, I get to go in a helicopter! but eww, the whales are dead) I asked my dad to house (doggy) sit for me. H was upset that I didnt ask him, but I dont want him in my house anymore, besides, he is away for work too. I wanted to be able to count on him for continued responsibility for our pets, but I cant trust him, and I dont want to worry that Im going to get home and he will have taken something else. Im so very disappointed in him.

No Mark, whats disgusting is that his "New Love" has her H, my H, and a boyfriend! I told him that him and his crabs could go have fun in chlamydia city. He must have really lost a lot of self respect in this process to allow himself to be treated like this.

[runningoutoftime]

Bluerain,

You are sooooo better off without that guy. You just made a little mistake. Thank goodness there are no kids and this is an easy one to repair. This was just one of those big lessons. You have time, eventually you will find a great guy (hopefully no kids. You are still young enough to find plenty without them), date, emotionally connect, marry, enjoy time together and then have a wonderful family!

:-)

[bluerain]

He came out to the house today. First he asked me if it would be okay if he came out. I told him that it would be fine, I wouldnt be there, but he could take the dog to the beach. After he got back from the beach he kept asking me if I was going to be home soon, I told him I had a lot of paperwork to do and probably would be a little while, and I had dinner plans, so I wouldnt be there for long. He texted me a while later and asked if I was on my way home yet and I had just left my office, so I said yes, and I would be home shortly. On the way I called him and asked if he really needed me to go by the house, because I was running late, he said no, I guess not. I told him that I needed to change anyway, so I actually would be by the house.

When I got here we chatted a little, he asked what the boxes in the garage were for, I told him that they were so I could pack some more of his things. He kind of smiled and chuckled. He said that he should probably get going, and I asked him to come to the greenhouse with me, I showed him some stuff in there, and when we were leaving I asked him if he was ok, he said "yeah, I guess" I said well, you just have a really strange air about you, he said that he was just in a really weird place. He asked me how I was doing, I said that I felt better than I had in years, he said oh, thats good. The he choked up and said he had to go, and said, while crying, "Im so sorry for everything" He got in his truck and I put my hand on the door and said "H, you tell me if you need anything, ok?" He said "yeah".

Now I cant stop thinking about him, I did a little snooping on his myspace, and he has been saying he was sad, and melancholy, and she hasnt posted anything new on his page in over a week. I went to her page and it said she was confused.

Imagine, a relationship founded on lies not working out?!

I am so confused, he hasnt actually said he wants to reconcile or anything, I was thinking that I need to clarify what I said about feeling better than I had in years, as I really meant better than I had in a long time, not really in years. He leaves for 9 days tomorrow, and I think thats perfect, I dont know what I should do, so the time to think will be nice.

[bluerain]

I think that enough people have been hurt. I dont want to see him like this. He just looks awful. I wanted to connect with him at least a little when he was crying, I hope that I did that. I care deeply about him, he has been my best friend for such a long time. And this was the first time that he has said he was sorry about any of it! I have asked for apologies before, not for the affair, or for leaving, but I did deserve one for the pain he has caused me. Im really not sure what I need to do now.