SF; I did finally get my own checking account started a few months ago...I have to think the worst and hope for the best...
My H's OW has her own ringtone...how old are they??? Geez!!! It's so disgusting....but I have to admit...I would love to be the center of someone's world...be hugged....kissed....and my hand held.....but what I really want is it to be my H....
And I also have put humor in a lot of things...nothing helps....I told him I wanted a tummy tuck and a boob job...and he looked at me and said, "I hope you are kidding"...I said "NO"...and he said,. "they probably wouldn't even do a tummy tuck on you"....I said, "you haven't seen me in a long time"...and left it at that...so....is he still noticing me? was he just being nice? who knows but I didn't mention it again..but really I would love a tummy tuck...I am very self concious about my body...I wouldn't even let another man see me...I have had 3 children, 3 miscarriages..a removal of my gall bladder...a hysterectomy....laparoscopy for endometriosis...so my belly is shot....I'm not fat my any means just want a tune up...LOL!!I"m a little hollow....
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
My philosophy, and many will disagree is that you are in a competition with the Ow. There is a fine line there though. I think the more important thing is to figure out your responsiblility in the downfall of your marriage and change yourself for YOU, not for your H. That being said, read the 80/20 thread. Figure out where you went wrong in your marriage and try to fix it.
IF your H never comes back, you will be ready for a new relationship. If he does, you will be ready to fulfill those needs that you were missing earlier that OW somehow managed to hit.
Yeah, he probably notices you. Yeah he was probably giving you a compliment, but don't take it to mean too much. remain detached and still treat him as if he was an aquaintance that gave you a compliment.
BFM
Last edited by butterflymom; 06/05/0801:46 AM.
There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is you. David Burns, Intimate Connections
I have been separated from my H since 8/16/05. My H has had the same OW in his life since 8/7/05. OW IS A GERM. The GERM knows she is dating a M man, doesn't care and flaunts it.
I HAVE BEEN HAVING SEX on a regular basis with my H since 1/3/06. The last time was on 7/11/08. We have had more sex in the last 3 yrs than we had in the 3 yrs previous to our separation. I know he feels he is cheating on her, but he is married to me. It does make me sad but I also think "Gotcha B***h...You don't know what you got, it certainly isn't fidelity"
THE SEX IS ONE OF OUR THREADS THAT KEEP US TOGETHER. We are also friends and we treat each other accordingly when present with one another or in front of S12.
My H is in a classic MLC. The OW is total opposite from me. She is a Hard Core Macho Biker B***h!!! 5'10" 180 lbs. body builder bleach blonde hair... OH, AND THEN the DD Fake B**bs and a body covered in tattoos!!!! NOW THAT'S A PRETTY PICTURE!!! Rides her own hog. D*MN GERMS!!!
ME: 5'2" 110 lbs long brown hair green eyes very petite no tattoos Love to ride but don't drive!!!!!!!
OW IS A GERM....OOPS, I ALREADY SAID THAT!!!!!
H is very attracted to me....The sex is fantastic....He notices everything about me and comments something everytime I see him. I believe that he comes over or calls just to see if I am still avail. He solicits sex, I rarely do. We are together on the average once a week.
NOW....H is in a funk. S12 is home from school. We used to get together during the day but mostly he will spend the night. AND....It's Motorcycle season. Enough said. I am wondering if 7/11/08 will be our last time together physically. This is a longer duration than most.
I actually got my MC drivers permit last summer but have never put it to use. I can drive a dirt bike. For me to drive a street bike, I believe I could and probably should.
Another thing....My H does call his OW from here. He goes to the bathroom upstairs or over to our barn. He thinks I don't know what he is doing and he's wrong. I know him so well, his behavior dictates when he will call her. CELL PHONES MAKE AFFAIRS AND CHEATING WAY TOO EASY. He calls her before he shows up here and quite often is on the phone when he arrives. I know he checks on her immediately upon departure. Is always looking a phone to see if any messages arrived...Phone does not ring when here. God Forbid he's not where he is supposed to be and when. The GERM has my H wearing a choke collar with a 1' leash. Stupid H he doesn't see it happening.
I GAL and behave like I am fine with the sitch at hand. I never R talk. I never instigate trivial converation about H whereabouts. I let H begin and then will chime in if I feel it won't muddy the water. I do not call H. I do not ask H for help around the house. I take care of all...inside and out.
I do believe my H and I belong together. I do not know if my H will be guided home. I am working on 180's everyday and H has noticed...believe me H has noticed.
My unfortunate sitch is the 35.5 months, OW aka/GERM, H hasn't taken enough baby steps in my direction and H hasn't accepted any blame for his actions and choices that I am aware of, maybe I am wrong.
He was here Saturday dirt biking w/ S12, I made myself scarce and wasn't readily available when he left for a goodbye. I am sure that got him thinking too.
I like this thread, Treese. I think BFM and FW have a lot of good advice.
Thank you all for listening to me....
Sanderika
ME48/H48MLC T 33y M 28y S16 OW 8/7/05 Bomb 8/16/05 Sep 9/05 H f'd D 10/3/08 D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09 D dismissed 2/5/10 H served me D papers again 9/4/10 D dismissed 9/26/11
WOW.....I totally understand where you are coming from but I have not had sex with my H since June of 07......I miss it tons...
MY son has been gone to his sisters for the past 9 days....H never came by to see D16 at all.....how sad is that....I did fantastic though...I went out almost every night....GAL...but now D16 left to go stay with her sister and I will be alone for a few days until son comes home....and what do I do....I start thinking....yep.....bad....
BFM.....does my H staying away and not calling mean he's finally finished? He doesnt' appear to care that I was alone or had every night free....I did talk to him the other night..on Friday....just to let him know what the kids were doing with going to their sisters....he was telling me things that were happening with his brother and his mom and just everyday stuff...but then I dont' hear from him....I just don't understand...I was doing so well....and now I'm down again...
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
As I have told you before, he is staying away from your D16 due to guilt. He knows what she is thinking and what she may/may not say to him.
Staying away and no contact does not mean it is over. They do this and yes, they are thinking as you are giving him his space and time by not contacting him.
Right now, your H is not ready to face his family as much as you'd like.
There will come a time when he is ready but it will take time.
When that reconnection happens, they reconnect with kids first, spouse last.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Him not coming around could be any number of things. It might be that it's over, it might be guilt, it might be forgetfullness, it might be anything.
I think the most important thing for any of us to do is to DETACH. That means, do not let his actions (or lack of action) cause you to question, wonder, spin, etc. Quit worrying about what he is thinking, what he is doing, why he is doing it and just live you life and let him live his.
I know it's hard not to look for signs in every single thing that happens, but most things don't mean much of anything. Quit over analyzing the situation and just live life.
BFM
There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is you. David Burns, Intimate Connections
I know you miss the intimacy with your H but you will have to put those thoughts on the backburner for now.
Some do continue to be intimate with their LBS while others do not due to the guilt, shame and of course the OP.
I did not view the intimacy as a priority at all as I had other things that were more important for me to think about.
You'll get thru this.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
