My sense about the question of whether he loved you romantically or not is nonsense. If someone just has no feelings in that realm, things don't hold up anywhere near 18 years, and besides you would be feeling something wrong too. Probably, there was some kind of a gradual change that happened more recently, but he can't remember exactly when it began, so that's why he explains it in the way he does. Well, and of course, the A might just have something to do with the history re-writing, hey? A lot harder to rationalize that kind of behaviour if you are still acknowledging your full feelings for your W.
I'm sorry you are going through all this. I can relate to when you say there were times where things just felt so great...I experienced these as times where I didn't feel the R. was perfect, but times where I just felt very lucky and very content to be with my W. That is why I know I didn't take it all for granted--I appreciated her presence in my life regularly.
